words unspoken -

2007-11-25T03:11:00.001+08:00

Changed the template so that it'd be easier to view my old posts. [:
I have officially moved (since last year) to http://www.candycoatedlove.blogspot.com/
Please relink (if you want to) and view my new posts there!
Don't have to check back here anymore, unless you're interested in my old posts.
Hahah.

Tckares! [:
Baby I love you.
The only one in my life, now & forever.
You know who you are, <3.
I wish you'd still be here.

2006-09-03T00:25:00.000+08:00

currently moved ;

click here. :]
copyrighted pls. <3

2006-09-01T19:58:00.000+08:00

oh yeah, forgot to mention.
during the class party, we had the baby guessing game.
brought our baby photos and made mr wong guess whu is whu.
AND U KNOW WHAT? OMG PLS. HE GUESSED ALMOST ALL CORRECT.
WOW, HE'S REALLY AMAZING U KNOW. LOL..

for those pictures that he guessed wrongly,
he must eat this buscuit with wasabi cream on it.
it's really disgusting.
then if he guess correctly,
we have to eat. >.<
HE GUESSED MINE CORRECTLY.
SO I HAD TO EAT IT.
LIKE, EEW PLS.

at first, when it went into my mouth,
i was like.. ok la, still can.
when it went to the back of my throat,
i started screaming HOT HOT HOT !
LOL!! DAMN ERXIN PLS.
i hate wasabi. >;(

:]

2006-09-01T19:32:00.000+08:00

i so need a new template.
quite sick of white.
i want a black one!
hahas.. shall get it done soon since it's the holidays already. :]

o1o7o6 ;
HAPPY TWO MONTHS BELOVED. <3
HAPPY BDAE BEN KOR <3
HAPPY TEACHERS DAY! <3

:]
teachers day celebration yesterday was WOAH.
the performance was fabulous.
esp those dances, and WOW, the cheer.
it was GOOD mans.
the SONG by those 3 guys. GOSH. fantastic.

went for lunch at century square foodcourt.
nice :]
then walked around.
went to minitoons and buy candies.
was just craving for it suddenly.
and MM, the marshmellows were YUM.

cass and tsuihwee came over to my hse.
played comp. slacked.
i fell asleep on the bed. LOL..

oh yahs, we had EVAN'S secret for tsuihwee.
and we just refused to tell her. ^^
after lunch, me and cass locked ourselves in the handicap toilet.
then we were counting how many paper cranes there were inside.
counted 94, not enuff.
so the last 5 we rush and do lohs.
lucky cass got the paper.
we were like inside for 15mins+ while xinyi and tsuihwee were outside wondering what we were doing inside. LOL.
damn funny pls. :]

i finally leveled up in maple.
level 36. >.< so pathetic pls..
no mood to train. lols! damn lazy.
but i miss my high level de. =((
SOBS *
and i need maplecashcard.
for my me and dear's archer.
wehhs, no money. boohoos..

i miss my deaaar.
what to do.. T.T

alright, i'm off to have a shower then i shall start studying.
computer's boring too, and doesn't serve much purpose.
:]

who'd ever know the pain?

2006-08-30T19:48:00.000+08:00

ahhs, finally decided to update. :]
many things happened.
ughs, don't feel like talking about it. :(

monday -
went to the central police division thingie,
opp the sgh there de.
at outram park.
finally case closed.
shan't elaborate,
and don't ask. :]

tuesday -
didn't go to school.
honestly wasn't feeling well in the morning.

today -
happy bdae my beloved darling. :]
didn't get to spend it with him.
what an unpleasent afternoon.
was raining cats and dogs. ugh..
shouted and screamed and scolded dear.
cos of alot of things. :l
then felt quite bad, cos today his bdae.
blehs.
but everything come out liaos,
i feel so much more better lohs.
so much tears were shed.
ugh. now no voice. :l
but ok liaos, just now talk till so happy.
and i've got a new name.
last time i was his act cute princess =x
now i'm his babySOTONG.
dunno why also, suddenly call me babysotong.
cos i very blur. :l

i'm so tired!
got back result slip today.
i passed only ONE pathetic subject.
and amazingly, it's my worst subject. :l

my marks : -
english - 20 ( didn't turn up for alot of class tests )
chinese - 52
amaths - 15 ( don't ask )
emaths - 47 ( not bad le luhs =x )
science - 42 ( i think )
humanes - 36 ( i think )

like woahs, what bad results.
need to buck up.
brought many textbooks home today.
gonna start mugging for eoys. :]
so, dear u also must jiayou for ur Os okay?

just now we both just realised we wanted to go to the same course,
at the same school. =x
such coincidence mans.
no la, i think is he copy me. =x
so when he year two, i year one.
ahh. :l
both want to take accountancy at tp.
at first i thought he want to take business.
then he say both the same whats.
bleh, i noob. i dunno. hahas.

i missed class phototaking session yesterday.
hmm, guess it's better this way.
don't have to keep complaining about how i look in the photo.
thou it feels very odd not to be in it. :(
very sad actually, but okok la.
lols, like very contradicting myself. =x

___
WOOTs.
darling vain kor just hired me as dj at his radio blog.
YAY, get to dj again.
hope it wouldn't be such a chore this time. :]
and i'm sure he's a much better "boss" than chiliboy. =x
NO OFFENSE HORHS.
i speaking a fact. hahas.

<3s!

2006-08-26T20:07:00.000+08:00

my old maid is back. ;D
she changed so much, didn't really recognise her.
whee.
she's the maid that went to work for leekuanyew. lols..
cool uhs.

had pizzahut for dinner =x
and it was YUM. <3
delicious.

i've been feeling so tired.
sleeping alot.
my throat feels sore.
ahh, need lots of water.

imissyou.

2006-08-25T16:25:00.000+08:00

dear came over again yesterday.
and we ordered pizza hut for lunch. ^^
so nice luhs. hahas.
don't know why but i was just craving for it.

today, nothing much.
i'm very tired..
and i need water!
feel so dehydrated.
kept drinking water..
AND, nasi lemak for lunch.
it was NICE mans. :D
drank TWO cans of rootbear.
slacked under the voiddeck again.
then went home.

i was on the bus, playing my hp game.
from the time i entered the bus,
play till game over.
when game over lurhs, i looked up.
and guess what?
the bus was already turning into my stop.
OMG lohs, if i game over a lil later,
i think i miss my stop liaos. :l

i miss SUSHI.
awww.. T.T
deaaaaaaaaar.
sob luhs..

2006-08-23T00:05:00.000+08:00

YAY , met dear today .
i'm a happy girl . ;D
lalalaa .

so tired .
roaaars .

finally mummy let me use w810i ,
although i want w850i . =(
but nvms , shall be contented with whatever i have .

someone told me ,
i'm a real blessed girl .
yea . i think so too .
i've got almost everything i want .
being pampered just like a lil princess .
i've always got someone there when i'm upset .
and someone to share my joys with too .
family's good , relationship's good , frens are good ,
my life's wonderful . :]

i should learn to stop complaining ,
and cherish the things around me .
especially dear . <3>.<>hum ji-ness .
dare to insult , dare to put name . ;D
everyone has flaws .
you're not perfect either .

classmate , if you have so much complaints about me ,
i don't really mind if you just fuck off . :]
i don't have a problem with anything .
i can stand your face and your attitude .
so since you're the one having a problem with me ,
why don't you just stop looking at me ?
you have a choice to let yourself be affected by me or you can choose to ignore me .
since you chose to get affected and come here shoot ur mouth off ,
what do you expect me to do ?
i don't really care if i'm fat and disgusting and extra .
i'm comfortable just being me .
and i have a wonderful dear loving me for me .
yea , maybe he's blind , no taste , but whatever .
he loves me and that's all that matters .
looks aren't important , character is .
if all you care about is looks , you're superficial .
and superficial people aren't really happy .
if you really dislike me being fat so much ,
come straight to my face in class and tell it to me .
i promise i won't slap you .
i'd probably just laugh at you .
becos it's hilarious having a person come up to you and say "you're fat" ,
when i don't even care . ^^
i got fats , you jealous that you don't ? wahahas .
i love me like this .
my REAL frens love me like this .
why should i be affected by what a mere kid says about me ?
and i'm not ashamed to be a retainee .
becos i retained due to personal reasons ,
not that my studies are poor .
what i went thru last year and this year ,
you'd never know .
so don't judge me .
so what if i retained ?
i still have my brains in there .
in the first place , my results aren't bad either .
ok luhs , it's bad . =x
but honestly , i don't really care much . =="
btw , retainees don't equal to stupid .
i had 239 for psle , which is considered okok la .
not stupid lohs . :]
just that i'm laaaaaaaaazy .

whee . hong kan luhs ~~ ^^ heees .

i'm gonna be a tai tai ~
HAHAs .
<3
muacks .

nites .

2006-08-21T19:58:00.000+08:00

sorry to those i made promises to .
sorry for breaking it .
ahh , regretted cutting .
the scars are freaking obvious .
and very red due to blood .
i think those whu saw my cuts today in sch were very freaked out .
was really crying very terribly when i cut .
couldn't think properly .
felt so miserable .

today whole day dunno what's wrong luhs .
show attitude here and there .
ahh , sot sot lurhs .
abit too hyper also , yet tired . :l

whitney } my dearest princess , i've been missing you so much luhs . although we haven't been talking , you've always been kept close in my heart . don't keep things to yourself kays ? i'm always here for you to bitch to , or just pour out whatever that's bothering you . and let me tell you this , even if the whole world gives up on you ( which will never happen ) , i will always be here for you . sorry if we haven't been as close as we were before . becos school's started , don't really have time . perhaps it's also cos i'm lazy . ;x we shall go out one day soon okie ? miss those days together . let's go back to imh to stay again . LOL . just kidding . :] december holidays go new zealand . set ah ! this time must prepare and book in advance . don't too last minute . =x anyways , all the best for your N levels ! you see , time fly so fast . your N level so fast coming lurhs , and also it will be over soon . so hang in there ! don't give up half way , very wasted . even if u want to give up , must think of me before deciding luhs . =x and after thinking of me , hope your decision will be to stay in school . cos i no money to support you for your entire life . HAHAHA . jiayou okays ! i believe that you can do it . prove to yourself and have a postive attitude always . need help in anything i'm just a phone call away . msn also can . ^^ just tell yourself , after N levels can relax liaos . only few more weeks to go . you're a strong girl , sure can tahan just these few more weeks bah ! do ME proud okays . i have faith in you . the results don't matter . just as long as you put in your best effort and feel satisfied , that's all that matters . just be happy . you wanna see me happy right ? lead your life with contentment and i'll be happy for you . then i won't worry for you so much also . lols . you're my precious princess . most beloved one . erms , one and only luhs . hahas . treat you so dearly to my heart . so must take good care of yourself in everything that you do . love you much much kays . <3>

shamus } my beloved dear , sorry for making you upset and everything . i didn't mean to do all those things . really regretted alot . from now onwards , i just wanna love you with all my heart and cherish you like never before . thanks for putting up with all my nonsense and demands , for loving me so unconditionally . i just wanna be your guai girl from now on . don't want to be a burdan on you . hope you will keep those promises to me , those about treating others better , ok ? and study hard for your O levels . i want you to do well and get good grades okie . :] then we can have a good life in future . lols . i really appreciate all the love you showered on me . really makes me feel so blessed . sometimes i may be a little unreasonable , but you never fail to give in to me . make me feel really pampered . and i love that feeling so much . but it also makes me feel very guilty . hais . then again , it makes me cherish you more becos of the great love you show me . never wanting me to be angry and all that . wahhs , i feel so loved mans . hope that one day there won't be anymore obstacles to pull us down . really hope that everything will be smooth going from now on . both of us very hot tempered . but i will try to change ok . i dowan every single time we have those lil silly arguments , it's always you giving in to me . one day , ONE DAY YOU SHALL SEE , i'll be the one saying "sorry it's my fault , forgive me kays ?" this phrase . lols . and also i will learn not to sa jiao so much in future . ( huh dear ? why u say NO to this sentence ? o.o ) i really am grateful for everything that has happened . hope that we will encourage each other in all the difficulties that we have . i love you so much dear . <3

hahas , while typing all these ,
also talking to dear on the phone .
and saying out everything .
that's why got one part i put the bracket thing .
find it so wierd .
becos some things i type out ,
then also say out ,
but then i go and backspace .
BUT , he alr know i say le .
LOL ..
then it sonuds really stupid and lame .
but funny luhs . heh .

ok , time to go bathe and study .
( study my foot )
just sounds correct .
aiyahs , go play maple la .
dunno la . i wanna slack .
today sleep early .
so tired !!
just now play maple almost fall asleep .
wahhahas .

take care ~
i love whitney and shamus .
my two most beloved . hehe .

2006-08-20T10:28:00.000+08:00

maybe i should just die and fuck out of everyone's life .

so what i've been a cheater all along ?
i cheated my own feelings too .
just kill me alright .
just let me die once and for all .

I HATE MYSELF .
GET LOST .
DON'T BOTHER CONTACTING ME .
I DON'T WANNA EXIST ANYMORE .!

2006-08-19T21:56:00.000+08:00

went to church today .
ushered .
not much mood luhs .
dunno why ..

i'm so tired .
i miss dear .
hais ..
the other day , i called him and cried like shiet .
just becos i missed him .
gosh .. =="

going to slp now , goodnights world -

2006-08-18T17:51:00.000+08:00

back from camp !
my face and neck is red . :l
dunno burnt or what . lols ..

camp was fun . xD
but so packed luhs .
the girls had so many activities !

first day :-
did zipline ( flying fox ) and rock climbing .

zipline i think i quite heng yet suay .
cos i very scared to do .
then just nice my turn ,
no time to do lurhs . =x
but quite sad , cos didn't get the experience .
their zipline 3 storeys high . :l
wahahas . i scared of heights siahs .

then for rock climbing ,
i just PIAK on to the wall then i climb like one step up nia .
then i dowan to climb le . =x
fingers very paaaaain !
want to close then cannot , fingers keep shaking . lols .

at night we had our night walk .
walk into some forest thingie ,
but actually no trees de =="
then still can see .
supposed to do SOLO WALK .
but due to time constrain we walked class by class .
if solo , i think i cry liaos . hahas ..

we had a very rush bath .
so lil time to bathe la .
quite unfair , cos the guys can take their own time .
grr , roars . lols ..
actually supposed 2 to a cubicle .
then i wanted to go with sharlene .
we reach the toilet there liaos ,
the instructer went "1 2 3" u 3 go in this cubicle .
me and sharlene were like "HUH?!"
cos the 3rd person we dunno de . =="
omg lohs , quite freaked out .
we just face the wall , then all strip .
one person shower under water ,
then rotate , take shampoo ,
then rotate , wash hair ,
then rotate under shower again .
lols !! lidat shower also can .
quite ok luhs . never see here see there .
BUT FEEL LIKE NEVER BATHE CLEAN .
EEEE , SO ERXIN LA PLS . T.T

slept on wooden planks .
wahh , hard siahs .
whenever at night want to turn ,
have to wake up to turn . dots .

second day : -
we had orienteering in the morning .
wahhs , 3G came first . hehes .
1st group : 97 points
2nd group : 81 points
3rd group : 79 points
4th group : 64 points
SEE THE DIFF ! SO BIG !
lols . 3G rocks mans ! xD
these points were used to "buy" materials for our raft building later on .
lols , so we had a big advantage lohs . ^^

went for kayaking .
me and shar took one kayak .
WAHH , the kayak so heavy . =x
WHEE , SO FUN ! xD
but very painful and tiring luhs .
we went far out into sea .
they even said our groups were the only ones whu went that far out .
broke down into smaller group at the 1st boundary .
then we followed this instructor .
wahseh , he very whaaaaaat luhs .
he keep asking us to sing song before letting us move on .
LAME LOHS . =="
so our group didn't really go as far as the others .
but still quite ok la .
sad thing is , WE DIDN'T GET TO STAND ON THE KAYAKS !
roaaaar , =((
and i had a blister from rock climbing ( while doing the belaying ) .
at the joint between my right thumb and index .
WAHH , PAIN LOHS .
then still go kayak , plus the sea water all that.
OUCH . ! =x

made ourselves all wet when we finished kayaking .
tide was high , waves were strong , wind also strong .
lols , guess what me and sharlene did .
cos we very wet , then i hugged cass , she hugged xinyi . =x
both of them also got wet without getting down into the water .
:D POWER ~ =x

had raft building .
made like a triangle shaped de .
then sent 4 pple to try to raft .
WAHAHAS .
our group succeeded and WON mans .
wooooots !
go 3G , go 3G , go go !
go 3G , we're sexy , we're sexy , go go !
go 3g ~
HAHA .

campfire at night .
quite boring actually .
not quite interesting .

day 3 : -
while waiting for the busses ,
we were like pulling bra straps .
lols !!
just piak piak piak .
wth =x
hahas ..
finally got my hp back . ^^
came back lurhs . :]

AHH , body aches .
esp the shoulders .
goodness , damn pain .
damn tired too .

went for lunch at mac opp school just now .
and halfway thru lunch ,
guess whu i saw ?
him . =="
like , omg .
cos sharlene said "ay , why that guy look so familiar ah ? "
think she didn't recognise him bahs .
then we all turn around to look .
i turn and turn back and went "omg" .
then i cover my eyes . like trying to calm down .
suddenly started crying . =="
then they realise whu it was . blehh .
omg lohs , why must see him ?
Zzz .
after like 15sec - 30sec i ok le . lols .
back to normal .
dunno if he saw me or not .
but we whole bunch there made quite alot of noise de .
as per normal . hahas .
then somemore he know shar , cass and xinyi .
my back was facing counter ,
so he facing my side view .
maybe not bahs .
dunno .. lols .

so suay .

just now sleep .
WAH SO SHIOK LAAAA .
lols !!!
although i was sweating alot .
becos i stupidly close the window ,
and on the fan and middle speed .
very hot .
but sleep till damn shuang .

ok , nothing else to blog .
my fingers are numb from typing .
hahas .

and horhs , aeroplanes were like flying past the camp site almost every 5-15mins .
very big and close to us .
AHH , quite scary luhs . lols .
and DAMN NOISY .
at night sleeping also have . blehs .

ok , hope all sec 3s had fun during the camp . :]
IT WAS ULTRA FUN .
didn't regret going . ^^

2006-08-15T23:16:00.000+08:00

camp's from wednesday to friday.
it's already 11pm, yet i haven't packed.
gosh , i'm so sleepy, so lazy.
don't want camp!
kinda dread it yet looking forward to it.
-shrugs- everyone's going, so i shall go too.

so many pple ponned school today.
actually wanted to go .
but in the morning, decided not to.

so tired , gonna miss dear so so so much.
3 days , gawd i could die .

gonna go sleep now.
take care everyone.

NITES . <3

2006-08-14T23:20:00.000+08:00

camp's nearing . >.<
groupings were out after school today .
the whole class girls are grouped together , luckily .

went shopping for some camp stuffs .
bought the small bottle of shampoo and body foam .
i sponser lols .
so that day i bring , all share .

so tired after school .
fell asleep near 8+ for approximately 1.5 hours .
and yea , amazingly , i almost fell asleep during physics .
right under mr lee's nose .
OH GOSH , tried so hard to shake myself awake .
but i just couldn't .
luckily the bell saved me . :]

can't meet dear for quite a period of time .
but , absence makes the heart grow fonder luhs .
thou sometimes i miss him so much it aches . :l

got back a few papers today .
OMG , i hate those results .
so far ; -
physics x 15/25
chem x 9/25
e maths x 12/50
english x 17/40 ( or 16 )
geog x 10/25

yes , omg .
bad results .
real bad .
all fail except physics ?!
wth ..
i'm not even good at physics .
this isn't good !
AHH , God help me .
MUST MUG LIAOS .
T.T

___
during emaths ,
just couldn't concentrate .
wrote a paper full of words .
showed only to cass .
my deepest secret .
no one will know .
:]

i feel stress with life .
what is the purpose of life ?
why is it so unfair .
i wish i was born with a silver spoon in my mouth .
probably not .
just a lil bit more rich .
no more worries .
bigbigSIGHs .

one day i'm so gonna break down big time .

been feeling so moody these few days .
sometimes high , sometimes low .
what exactly is wrong ?
i know , but i don't wanna admit it .
i don't wanna tell anyone .

perhaps i need another break .

2006-08-13T23:47:00.000+08:00

i wonder how come some people's life revolves so much around games .
it's so unrealistic .
don't they have any real life frens at all ?

went town with lynette . :]
window shopped .
AHH , shiok .

i'm tired ,
off to sleep .
sec 3 camp from wed to fri .
i dowan >.<

ilu darling .
nites . <3

2006-08-13T02:06:00.000+08:00

i feel damn sad .
we used to be so close .
and now everything's just fallen apart .
he doesn't even know the reason why .
is it my fault , or his' ?
probably it's mine .

hais , it hurts to be quarreling with him .
my most cherished kor .
everytime i see him online ,
yet i can't talk to him .
just can't seem to forgive .
why am i like this ?
to want a thing yet behaves like another .

i'm selfish , stingy . ^^
even thou we quarrel till lidat ,
i still dowan anyone else to be closer to him that we use to be . >;(
lols , jealousy .
it sucks .
hais , just wish that one day everything can be alright .
and when that day comes ,
i still wish in his heart ,
i'm still his most dearest and precious meii .

______
blew my top this evening .
just exploded .
just hurted me so much when i was scolding him .
even more when dear called and i just said i didn't want to talk now .
hurts so much .

i'm so sorry .
very sorry .
dear , can u don't be so stress ?
and don't so sad lidats ?
hais ..
everytime hear u on the phone like very restless .
i feel so useless ,
can't cheer u up .
don't know what to do ..

can't sleep .
2.10am .
mind's in a whirl .
headache .
i need panadols .

i thought i was alright ,
am i really ?

2006-08-13T00:17:00.001+08:00

before i forget , as i was watching ndp encore today ,
i noticed something damn interesting .
the president wasn't singing the national anthemn .
o.o ?
so what does this mean ?
hmm , i wonder . :]

no idea what else to blog .
and yea , i hate being misunderstood .

one more thing ,
my steely got scammed .
how sad . ROAR .
anyone wanna donate to me ?
i'm like only a pathetic level 33 assassin .
T.T

had a long talk with dear last night .
almost 2hours +
late into the night . <3
hais , one part cos of something he said ,
i just bursted out crying .
exactly the same thing melvin said .
the exact words .
omgosh .. T.T

ohwell , time to sleep .
imissyouboi .

muchmuchLOVEs .

2006-08-10T01:00:00.000+08:00

the post i made on tuesday ,
i cool down liaos . lols .
i also not that petty de . :D

national day , stayed home rot .

i'm tired , hope to meet him later on today .

dear , don't scold me for slping so late =x
i just wanted to jump up the tower for u .
cos you're just one big lazy bum . hahas .
kidding . :]
i love you darling .

GOODNIGHTS . <3

2006-08-09T13:03:00.000+08:00

happy

national

day .

happy

bdae

singapore !

2006-08-08T17:53:00.000+08:00

national day celebration .

# went class to play "who wants to be a millionaire" .
# watched some "magic tricks" on video
# went to hall for performance
- bb boys de band , kiew yuan singing !
- a dance to highschool musical by a sec 1 class
- indian dance
- breakdance
- hildan superstar sing for us . :]
[ blahs that was all i could rmb . ]
[ and also during the singing session then all the performers on stage , this sec 1 guy over there sing till uber funny . he sing until like no one was there , totally into the song , like he opening his own concert lidats . somemore his hand got number "7" de sign and keep going up and down his chest there ==" i spotted it first then i told shar and cass and danielle . omfg laughed our heads off . somemore the song was national day song . ]
# had class photo at the POND . <3
# took bus to tampines pavillion
# kbox closed , cabbed to hougang plaza ( shar cass me )
# sang like no one's business , enjoyed ourselves tonnes .

after kbox was then the moodiness set in .
my face is like tear stained now .
i looked forward so much to meeting him luhs .
and then he told me don't dare , scared . =="
ok lohs , i understand .
then he just like keep saying " aiya , i go la . aiya i go home la . "
damnit lohs , want come or don't come .
also dunno how to make a decision .
just make me more and more disappointed with each response .
the feeling is like ... fuck it lohs .
why can't like just say , today can't meet .
simple as that .
instead of keep saying come , don't come , blahblahs .

then now , crying cos uber frustrated luhs .
i dowan pick up his call alr , if he even rmb i exists .
i was damn tired also becos of the moodiness .
then i on the phone with him i fell asleep .
somemore he use his hp call me .
i fell asleep he never put down .
i fell asleep like 5-10mins nia .
i wake up alr hear him over there happily chatting with his sister .
ok lohs , wait for him chat lohs .
then i see my phone , he use hp call in de .
dowan waste his phone bill , then i hang up .
i keep calling back to tell him i wake up le .
u know i call how many times , for how long ?
no idea how many times . probably 50-100 times .
i tried calling for 1 hour ++ .
so what ? forgot about me ?
imagine if i never hang up ,
he gonna leave me on the phone for so long ?
he fucking forgot about me .

around 4.30pm lidat try to call till now , 6pm .
forget it , i switch off my hp liaos .
need to cool down .
just now screaming and crying and throwing things .
ahh , not worth my emotions over such a lil thing .
he just forgot about me whats , no big deal rights .

somemore , his mother , freaking me out .
she wants to come my sch to find principal to talk ,
for what fuck ?
it's not even the principal's taiji .
i don't even know what i did then she want to lidat .
i got ask her son to study lohs .
wth siahs , want talk also come talk to me luhs .
involve the sch for what .
if she really does that ,
i swear i'll never step back into shss .
give them so much trouble .
esp if for this , my face also all throw away liaos .

aiyahs , damn pissed off .
i dowan on my hp till tmr le .
i won't even sms him to tell him how angry i am .
know what ? he'd probably just think i'm slping .
and then he'll just think that nothnig is wrong .
well , let him think that way .

i don't want to care anymore .
with the mood i'm currently in now ,
i'm in no state to do anything .
i might just end up doing something stupid .

2006-08-05T19:58:00.000+08:00

ytd morning had maths CA .
yucks , difficult paper .
stupid de . >;(

after school went home straight .
then talked on dear on the phone .
until i didn't go shopping with them for bbq things =x
4pm + mum came and sent me to whitesands to pick them up .
got - shar , danielle , cass , xinyi , arul , bryan and shar's bf yuhua .
so including me and mum , got 9 pple =x
all squeeze into the car . hahas !
checked in , went to room J02 .
thought the aircon spoilt ,
so went reception ask them fix the aircon .
in the end is the switch not on =x Hahas !

rented bbq pit .
pple came .
started fire .
mr barkar came , bought a cake for us . :]
total yum-ness . hehs .
pple complimented my mum's beehoon . :D
bbq bbq bbq ..
so many things happened .
cass , xinyi , shar , me , matthew , enrico , mingmin , keith , kiewyuan all got probs .

cass and xinyi's stuffs better don't say .
cos more personal de .

sharlene - cos of bbq problems . class chalet also not like class de thing . only she and her bf over there bbqing for them to eat . obviously she feddup .

matthew's stuffs also abit more personal , and is i hear from other pple . better don't say lohs .

enrico - tio taiji with some pple , then they want go find him , he run away . :l

mingmin - alot of guys fighting over her , then one from our class , the other her bf from another class . both got back up come . she also cried . hais , ;(

keith - cos of mingmin lohs .

kiewyuan - possessed ? drunk ? no idea . just acting a lil wierd according to many people .

me - many many many many many probs . with the chalet and everyone and everything . at first still okay de . then cos shar feddup about bbq . then i also got feddup . cried a lil lohs . then later few of them went to old changi hospital . they saw stuffs , then came back all pale looking . they say kiewyuan acting damn wierd , like kena shocked or possessed . everything he says and do very wierd . so i started getting scared and worried . then going to cry alr lohs . after that saw him , he like okok le lohs . but i still worried sick . then i took my vodka raspberry 6% de . drink alot . just drink and drink . until a lil drunk yet conscious . then my whole face burning and red . don't want go inside the room and slp . just sat outside alone then lie against the pillar like drunkard . :l walk here and there like sot sot de . alot of things happen luhs . hais . stress over the class during the chalet . didn't even slp , except for 3.30am till 5.am .

morning 5.30am i call dear and just kept talking to him .
talk until i just cry and cry and cry .
but feeling so much more better after talking and crying .
thanks dear , for being there for me . <3

the och thing was really terrible .
i didn't go , but i could imagine lohs .
the things they saw and heard ,
better don't say out better .
don't wanna rmb it .
i feel traumatised luhs . >.<

and the drinking thingie ,
so many pple keep asking if i alright .
hahahaha obviously i'm alright but not .
just feeling so damn stress over the class during that chalet .
cos of the responsibility , as i'm the one whu opened it .
thou not really the organizer , but ... hais .
they just got me worried sick luhs .

after coming home ,
talked with dear till around 1.15pm when i fell asleep .
till 7pm lidat . ;x
so darn tired luhs .
drink liao still never slp .
power anots lols .

don't rmb anything interesting that happened .
but i know kiewyuan really made me uber worried .
imagine , he sat on tanya's lap , and then kiss her ?
ohmygawd lohs .
he was totally unstable . out of his mind .
becos tanya say what then he go do what .
aiyahs , just prayed for him lohs .
hope he's better le .

aiks ,
i wanna slp again . ;x
so damn tired .
YAWN -

___
for me there's only you .

2006-08-03T22:18:00.000+08:00

so tired this morning .
had english and geog CA .
wrote rubbish luhs lol .
hmm , english was one of the few easier papers received .
and got back physics CA .
omgosh lohs , ytd sit for the paper , today get back .
STRESS MANS .
got 15/25 .
disappointed luhs !
cos alot get 20+ .
it was quite an easy paper lohs .
the questions on kinematics i got ALL correct .
just that those on lenses , i get all wrong , except 2 questions .
pathetic =x
well , at least i passed . :]
but chem , confirm fail . hais .

last two periods , ss , ms tan went for course .
so got relief teacher .
discussing the chalet stuffs .
then cass .. she , suddenly got damn moody .
hais , see her lidat i also heart pain .
pei her in toilet awhile .
then later outside classroom ,
i cannot take it lohs ,
i teared a lil bit .
but hope no one saw luhs . lols .

hope she's feeling better . :l

dear came over again after school .
stupid dear , forever bullying me . ;x
punch me again . hahas !
but i also punch him back .
both accident =x hahas .
damn funny luhs . :]

went downtown east to check the chalet thingie .
cos for costa sand resort ( downtown east ) ,
they gave me 2nd floor de .
i want 1st floor , but don't have .
so i change to costa sand resort ( pasir ris ) .
at the other side nia .
although abit more inconvenient ,
but it's also bigger .
alot people coming mahs . xD
took very long to decide whether want to change anots .
cos shar cannot decide .
in the end , just change lohs .
talk on phone until hp no batt siahs .

went bk to pei lynette .
i think i was disturbing her =x
lols , so sorry uhs . hahhaahahs .
wanted to eat ,
then i thought no money lehs .
so i went to draw money .
min is $20 ,
so i draw $20 .
in the end i found out my wallet got $7 .
which is enuff for one meal . ;x
aiyohs , i goondu luhs !
then shud have given the $7 to dear .
gave him $6 nia .
he take cab from sch to my hse ,
not enuff take back home .
becos he dowan go his house and take money anymore .
that time his maid like .. suspicious .
cos taxi fare quite high .
so in the end , he had to walk home .
alamak lohs , so hot somemore . :[
actually he shud alight the taxi .
then board another one .
although it's more exp , cos have to pay the surcharge ,
but can go his house take money mahs =x
hahas ! abit stupid luhs .

so tired now .
tmr maths CA .
that one .. cmi .
so many topics i dunno lohs .
siaaaans !!

gonna go bathe then slp liaos .
got caught for nails today .
cut them off . :]
clean and short . yay !

i wanna be a taitai ! ;x
i need $$ .
i money face . lols ! :]

ilu . <3

2006-08-02T21:24:00.000+08:00

had 3 CAs today .
first was chinese .
so freaked out , thought need dictionary .
but in the end is not compo de . =x
wrote all rubbish luhs .
anyhow guess . lols .
then without break ,
we had physics .
so many on the lenses topic !
oh gosh , :[
then chem ,
EEPS . i know nothing when i saw the paper .
goodness ! almost cried luhs .

had recess at around 11.30am .
ended at 11.45am . :l
blahblahs .
went to mac after sch , around 2.15pm .
went to buy nuggets meal .
ate a few pieces of uber salty fries ,
then took a piece of nugget ,
ate it down .
and i was bloated . :l
so darn full luhs .
don't even know why !!
probably becos i ate a late recess .
but then , normally i can eat up de lohs .

studied at mac .
study halfway talk about class chalet on fri .
went back around 5.30pm .

talked to dear from the time we left mac till now , 9.15pm . ;x
hahas , just talk rubbish nonstop . :D
then was feeling quite moody , so i cried on the phone .
but oh well , alright now .
feeling so much more better luhs . :]
then ate my dinner not long ago .
then eat like 3 spoonfuls i full liaos .!
omg lohs , what's happening to me ?
it's not as thou i don't want to eat siahs .
then i stuff the food into my stomach .
till i kept chewing and chewing and i just couldn't swallow .
wanted to vomit alr :l
so dear ask me stop eating .
not even half done lohs .
cos i don't like to see food wasted luhs .
what's happening to me ?!
hope it's just a one day thing .
tmr maybe ok liaos . :]

i'm damn tired .
slept at 4am .
woke up at 7.45am .
not enough sleep !
plus the CAs and studying today .
buay tahan .
gonna sleep by 10pm ! :]
but then again , haven't study finish . :[
so gotta study first .
flip thru bahs ..
then in the end i'd end up sleeping at 12am ;x

but anyways ,
blogging won't help much .
in fact much more time would be gone ;x
so , off i go to bathe !
takecares :]

all the best for commen tests . <3

2006-08-02T03:35:00.000+08:00

it's currently 3.30am .
when dear sees this post he's so gonna kill me ,
for sleeping so late .

but i just can't seem to fall asleep luhs .
lucky sch starts at 8.30am for wednesday .
and there's chemistry and physics ca .
oh well , gonna fail them .
so , gonna retain another year ?
damn my life . ;(

feeling quite hungry .
cos ate less then half a packet of chicken rice .
the other half dunno go where luhs .
but so late alr ,
also don't wanna go out to the kitchen .

oh and yes ,
i received my first punch on o1o8o6 . :]
by my beloved darling . ;x
ah well , it was an accident .
no idea what we were doing ,
but suddenly his fist came flying to my face ,
and hit my right cheekbone .
oh gosh , almost cried .
but i was laughing so much i couldn't cry .
but it was an accident ,
so it's alright hahas .
just kept teasing about him punching me . xD
should have video-ed it down .
so darn hilarious luhs . ;x

he told me not to blog about it ,
or else pple think he ill treat me .
but it's just an accident whats .
and i don't wanna forget this .
so damn fun . =x ROFL ~

it also reminds me of the first time i went escape with my stead .
3rd stead , jeffrey . during my bdae .
WAHAHAS . his hand also , flew to my face and accidentally slapped me .
funny shiet . =x
that was my first slap too .

but seems like i've never been slapped before .
well , those that are for fun is have lohs .
also by that stupid jeffrey .
crazy ass .
in the bus on the way home .
suddenly no reason slap me ,
and he says "just to see your reaction" .
EE , siao ding dong . =x
but is those kind light light slap de .
the hardest slap i ever received was from myself . =x

okays , 3.39am liaos .
must slp , if not tmr don't wake up , die .

but i can't sleep .
i keep thinking of dear .
why uhs ? dunno also .
somemore today never sms me nites .
suddenly hang up , then gone liaos .
aiyahs , he hang up i know is cos mother or maid come in lohs .
but before he hang i got hear " call you back later "
but don't even have a sms .
probably kena caught for the hi card hp liaos . :l
sians , can't sleep ! :[

ohyahs ,
he officially bought me over ,
with this 10 cent coin .
lmao . ;x
had alot of fun today luhs .
don't know why ,
but when i'm with him ,
i only rmb happy moments we had .
i know we got quarrel before ,
but i never seem to rmb them . o.o
don't rmb the contents at all ,
and they just don't seem to exist anymore .
:]

time to slp ,
goodnights world . <3

___
amor infinitus ;

pls , pls don't go ,
don't tell me that it's over .
why did you go ,
tears are in my eyes .
fade away , fade away don't fade away .
pls tell me that you'd stay ,
won't you stay with me forever ,
don't fade away .

<3 , love this song .
techno rocks to bits . :]

becos you live and breathe

becos you made me believe in myself

when nobody else can help

becos you live in my world

there's twice as many stars in the sky

becos you live , i live .

becos you live

there's a reason why

i carry on when i lose the fight

i want to give what you've given me

some edited lyrics :]

2006-08-01T20:50:00.000+08:00

happy one month beloved . :]

what a memorable one month we had together .
he was always standing by me no matter what .
those times when i was trying to get over *him ,
he was there for me comforting me .

being with him was one of the best choices i ever made .
i love you darling ,
thanks for the love you gave me . <3

___
whees .
dear came over after sch .
he was actually in sch making a bracelet for me .
just when he was about to complete it ,
he realised he made a mistake right at the start .
big LOL . =x
my silly boii . hahas .
then he cabbed down .
just when he reached my house ,
at the dining table there ,
my dad came out of the room . :l
gosh , scared the hell out of me .

gave dear my gifts .
so happy to see that smile on his face . :D
and YAY . i got 2 maple cashcard now =x
and he was supposed to give me a card .
but he forgot to :l
he took a pic and sent it to me .
OMG I SO LOVE IT .
SO BLARDY CUTE .
cos the front is a pic of me and him de maple char .
damn cute luhs . omgosh .

so he left at .. 6pm ?
hahas he's supposed to reach home at 6. =x
bullied him again .
LALAA . :]

booking a chalet for this friday to saturday .
class chalet and bbq . :]
but i so have nothing to wear .
the only shorts i have are school shorts . =l
blehs . ;x

CAs starts tomorrow .
oh gosh , - faints -
so gonna fail everything . :(
but nvm , i shall just try my best .

Ahh , feeling so hungry now .
rawrs .
where's my food ?!

my life's so boring ,
nothing to blog about .

yays , dear's online .
mwarks .

happy 1st mth <3

2006-07-31T21:46:00.000+08:00

eeps . tmr's first month of marraige . :]
actually being together alr more than 1 month .
just that we didn't remember the date =x
hahas ! :D

went to sch at 11.45am today .
didn't want to go de .
cos my cramps were really terrible .
but becos officed called and said i needed to go for my oral .
so bo bian i go lohs .
in the end tell me 2pm then can take =="
so had physics and geog . double periods .

after school had oral at R&R .
like detention lidats =x
omgosh , was so freaked out .
esp at the picture description part . :l
i think i'm so gonna fail .
cos i talked alot of nonsensical stuffs . :[

went to mac to find cass danielle shar and tsuihwee .
they were studying .
then me and xinyi ate .
cos the others ate already .
went to xinyi's house take laptop down .
cos wanted to check the chalet bookings .
saw her oh-so-adorable-but-blur dog . :]
AHH , so damn cute .
it'd just sit there and stare at u with its big and innocent eyes .
then after charging her laptop ,
went back down to mac .
then i just talked on the phone with dear .
after hanging up started feeling moody and stress again .
so i just sat there away from them .
then stare into space , and also playing with my hp games at times .

went to TM with cass and shar and danielle .
shopping for a gift .
then danielle met her mother and went off .
awhile later cass had to go home .
so left me and shar .
TM nothing much .
so go to century square .
eeps , bought 3 stuffs . :]
very nice , love them to pieces .
everything also nets =x
hahas . must top up my card liaos lols .
ate dinner with her , so full !

i love my deardear so much .
mwarks . <3
u said u'd never leave me ,
better stick to your word okays . :]

___
baby baby , i swear to you ..
baby baby , i'm here for you ..

i swear , i'll be there .
any time you want me to .
i'll be true , here for you .
dont leave me lonely cos i need you .

2006-07-31T10:40:00.000+08:00

Ahhs , i'm finally an asassin . :]
chiong to level 30 .
then when i was doing 2nd job ,
i had 16 of those dark marbles already .
i felt the spawn very slow .
so i thought changing channel would do no harm .
and then .. POOF .
i'm out at kerning . :l
when i wanted to re-enter the 2nd job advancement there ,
they took away my 16 dark marbles . >;l
and then i started lagging .
oh gosh , how suay .. :[
but oh well , after few months i finally leveled up . :D

it's currently 10.40am now .
eeps , gotta go school .
my stomach cramps are so bad .
and i have this block nose problem thingie .
always at this time of the year it'd happen . =="
but still have to go school just for that oral .
AHH . i don't wanna go . :[
my stomach hurts sooooo much .
sobs -

___
i want to stay every night and day ,
come into my life .
cos being with you it's paradise .
my soul is craving for you .
i don't wanna lose you ,
cos you belong to me .

:] blissfullyMARRIED .

we were two , now we are one .

2006-07-30T23:29:00.000+08:00

feeling so much pain this few days .
cramps and aches .
disgusting feelings .
feeling so sensitive and moody too .

been rotting at home the past few days .
seriously nothing to do at all .
wasted the entire weekend away .

i miss him .
bigbigsighs .
Os are coming ,
i feeling the stress for him . :l
i want him to get good results .
so dear must JIAYOU okays .
don't slack liaos , study hard . :]
for yourself , your future .
if not , for me . =x

my CAs are coming up in a few days time .
stress for me too .
gosh , so many things .
i wanna do well ,
show everyone what i'm capable of . :]
but there's always this lazy bone within me .
i never seem to be able to just sit still and study . =l
even if i do , i don't know which subject which topic to start from .
Ahh , i need a timetable .
gonna do one for dearie too . <3

tuesday's coming . :D
i love you my dear .
hees . <3

and sry luhs melvin .
i thought u were the one whu loved me most .
i actually thought no one could love me more than u did .
seems like someone did . :]
go eat shit luhs .
can't believe all those things u did to me .
heartless monster .

you're the one whu should be feeling all this guilt .
so why am i the one whu's feeling bad over this break up .
why am i feeling like i've brokened ur heart and made u sad ,
when i didn't , and you're not even sad , neither is ur heart brokened .
why do i keep thinking you're crying every night over me ,
and that your heart's still aching so bad .
when probably you're just enjoying ur life right now , without me .

why do i feel this way ?
am i still in love with you ?
cos i don't wanna be .
not anymore .

you're not the one for me ,
nor the one i need .
i want to get you out of my life once and for all .
so why do memories keep flashing by once in a while ,
making me go all weak and wishing i'm dead .

___
sry dear for feeling this way .
but i just want u to know ,
i'll try my best to love you with all the love i can give .
i won't ever make u sad .
i'll cherish you , every moment we spend together , everything .
i won't hurt u , nor myself anymore .
going thru that pain once is enough .
i'll never make the same mistake i did 4 months ago .
you'll be the last boii i wanna be with . <3
___

hmms , played gb with dear today .
ahhs , bully me . =x
RAWRs . hehes .
thanks for always giving in to me uhs .
you teng wo so much .
and you never fail to brighten my day .
just by ur sillyness and ACTING CUTE =x
don't deny , u're not cute .
just acting cute . :]
mwarks . i love you !

xMsApple <3 deathflameon .
married ; o1o7o6 .

2006-07-29T22:40:00.000+08:00

i just wanna be that genuinely happy girl i used to be .

when will i be able to find my true identity again ?

but i know for sure ,
my beloved shamus will always be there to see me thru .
i love u . (:

___
going to sleep early today .
all for dear's sake . (:
NITEs !

2006-07-29T19:21:00.000+08:00

last night watched silence ( shen qing mi ma ) till early morning 6am .
then i couldn't take it anymore so i went to bed . =l
it's an uber nice show .
so gonna get the vcd if it's out on sale . (:
whitney intro-ed this show to me .
thanks to much !! =D <3

talked so much with dear today .
hmms , the bill for last month was $215 .
plus the outstanding bills , it totals up to $400 .
cool uhs , how am i gonna pay ?!
hais , mummy doesn't want to pay .
she just wants to let them terminate my line .
SOBS *
i'm so sad ..

been mood swinging recently .
can't wait for tuesday luhs .
o1o8o6 . (:
and also ... 30o8o6 . (:
mwarks .

i need $$ . :l
first for that stupid handphone bill of mine ,
and then for tuesday ,
and then his bdae ,
and my year end chalet .
HAIS , what to do ?
go sell body ? LOL .
like as if anyone would want it . :l
but i'm his uhs . =x
just for 10cents .
he say discount esp for him . =l
so cheapskate de . ROAR . :]
but he's mine just for a kiss .
HAHA , he cheaper =x
lalaa , poor dear being bullied by me . =x
whu ask u thursday bully me . xD

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee .
=x
HUNGRY !

2006-07-28T13:19:00.000+08:00

omg , hahahahahaha .
can't stop laughing .
just saw an uber disgusting picture of a fat girl .
fucking fat and ugly .
don't know her limits de siahs .
still want act cute , :l
really erxin till i wanna puke .

ok luhs , i know i'm no better .
BUT AT LEAST I KNOW MY LIMITS .
i know i'm fat , i don't go around wearing sleeveless tops .
honestly mans , the first person i will whack is her .
disfigure her already fucking ugly face . (:

aiyahs , u want act cute , want wear till lidat ,
at least lose those ugly fats first .
disgusting freak . _l_
if u have the face , it's at least ok .
but you don't . eee ..

hahas , having so much fun criticising her . (:
i know i'm mean , thankyou .
i know i'm ugly and fat .
imagine , she's worse . :l
and she act cute worse than me . ROARS .
at least i'm naturally cute =x ROFL .

cb kia , don't ever let me see u when you're alone .
or i will fucking slap u till u cry and say sorry to me .

2006-07-27T22:19:00.000+08:00

HAHA , stupid fucker ((:

that girl i messaged on friendster ,
she replied something like ..
" i don't bother , rolls eyes " .

i replied to her ,
" _l_ roll till ur fucking eyes drop out best "
HAHA , =x
stupid asshole . (:

ahh , so tired .
sleep so much today .
going back to sleep again . (:
* YAWN *
i love my dear . <3

2006-07-27T19:51:00.000+08:00

my life is so sweet . (:

was so hyper today .
he came over . <3
did some work ,
then just rotted .
ahh , stupid dear .
didn't want to show me his hp .
badbad . =x

ahh ,
so tired .
was slping after he left .
then wake up eat .
now , feel like slping again .
feeling so shag .

is it a need or a want ?
i miss you .

2006-07-26T23:02:00.000+08:00

roars , his first gf viewed my profile .
poor thing uhs . (:
let me vent my frustrations on .
HAHA , too bad , i'm heartless .
i don't even care . _l_
she can fuck off too , go fuck off together with him luhs .
nb , break up for whats ?
never break up he also wouldn't have known me or hurt me .

who as her to view me .
serves her right .
i hate anyone related to melvin sin .
those pple shud perish .
cos they're the ones who brought so much pain into my life .

YOU NEVER EVEN FELT A SINGLE BIT OF GUILT OR PAIN FOR CAUSING ME SO MUCH MISERY .
SO STOP CLAIMING THAT YOU REALLY DID LOVE ME AND ALL THOSE SHIETS .
IF YOU REALLY DID YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE DONE THIS TO ME .
YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE JUST LEFT ME TO DIE .
YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE LEFT ME ALONE TO GO THRU ALL THOSE PAIN AND SUFFERINGS .
I WAS AN INNOCENT GIRL .
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME SCREW MY LIFE UP .
YOU NEVER LOVED ME , YOU KNOW IT BEST YOURSELF .
TO SAY THOSE THINGS ARE PROVES THAT YOU WERE A FAKE ALL ALONG , JUST A PILE OF LIES .
I REALLY DID LOVE YOU , AND I TRIED GIVING U MY ALL .
I TRIED TO BE THE BEST GIRLFREN YOU COULD EVER HAVE .
BUT STILL IT ISN'T ENOUGH , I'M STILL A FAILURE .
YOU NEVER EVEN NOTICED THE EFFORTS I PUT IN .
ONLY MY FLAWS .
SO JUST FUCK OFF ,
YOU NEVER DESERVED MY LOVE IN THE START .
SO NOW YOU'RE NOT THE ONE WHO DOESN'T WANT ME ANYMORE .
COS I DON'T EITHER .
AND I CAN TELL YOU ,
I DON'T WANT YOU MORE THAN U DON'T WANT ME .
THAT'S HOW MUCH PAIN U BROUGHT ME ,
AND HOW MUCH I'M HATING U RIGHT NOW .
JUST GET OUT OF MY LIFE ,
COS TO ME , YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD .
I DON'T WANT YOU TO KEEP HAUNTING MY MEMORIES AND APPEARING IN MY DREAMS .
I HATE IT WHEN THESE TEARS START TO DRIP UNCONTROLLABLY WHENEVER I THINK OF YOU .
JUST GET LOST , BECOS WHATEVER I SAY OR DO MEANS NOTHING TO YOU ANYMORE .
I DON'T WANNA TRY .
COS YOU NEVER BELIEVE .
WHY DON'T YOU TRY GOING THRU THIS PAIN YOURSELF ,
MAYBE ONLY THEN YOU WILL UNDERSTAND .

ue view my profile for whats ?
to see if i die alr ? =="
then ue can qo tell melvin .?

tell him uhs , if he hasn't read my blog .
that he can jolly well fuck out of my life .
and don't expect his life on earth to be smooth sailing .
i'll screw him upside down and make sure he regret every single thing he did .

i wasn't the one whu ought to go thru all those pain .
he was the one whu deserved to DIE .

and whatever , show him this msg .
then he can go bring this as evidence to court ,
saying i'm harressing him and his frens ?
like fuck that .
i don't give a damn .

he is such a two faced freak .
u know the last time i met him ,
he could still talk to me calmly and still could smile and ask me go for dinner .?
and then he ended up tagging my blog ,
almost humiliating me infront of my frens .
cb kia . humji kia . don't dare infront of me say .
scared i whack him uhs ? nb . no balls ass .
still can ask me live my life well ,
for what fuck ?
and how to when he's like making it so impossible ?

DAMN HIM ,
he made me so desperate to die .
did things i never dared do before .
[ deleted ]
i almost dropped out cos of him .
ruined my entire life .

i don't love him anymore ,
i hate him to the core .

he's the one whu turned me into a nasty lil bitch .
i'll never forgive him .

fuck those 8 mths i was with him .
what a waste of my damn time .
it's good i sucked his bank acc dry .
to think i was feeling guilty about it .
my hospital bills were much more than that .

hahas , ur bad luck for viewing my profile .
you get the dirty job of passing this msg to him . (:
tell him ,
go on luhs , go sue me .
i not scared , i've alr gone thru so many ordeals .
one more won't make any difference .

and you too , get lost .
don't ever view my profile ever agains .
cos you only remind me of him .
and it makes me wish so much i'm dead .

fuck the whole world .

2006-07-26T19:48:00.000+08:00

ROARS ;
today PON last 2 lessons =x
i strolled out of sch while shar and xinyi were like running away .
so obvious cans . :l
hahas , ((:

went to century square to eat .
the place beside long john's .
ate laksa . ((:
with cass and tsui hwee .

went home ,
aiyohs . break down again .
dunno why .
suddenly just find alot of faults with myself .
then cry , calm down liaos , ok le lohs .

i'm gonna meet him tmr .
WAHAHAS .

BEN and WHITNEY ;
pls cheer up alrights .
maybe i haven't really been there this few days .
but pls take good care of yourselves .
one my most cherished and beloved kor ,
the other my princess .
don't keep things to yourselves . <3

MUCHMUCHLOVES !

2006-07-25T19:51:00.001+08:00

AHH , i loved yesterday (:
had so so so much fun with dearest shar cass danielle .
we had long john's for lunch .
then we went window shopping ,
at toys r us . (:
omgosh luhs .
we saw so many toys we want to buy .
esp play dough .
hehes . :D
i want bubbles too !
then we went isetan ,
kept having alot of fun luhs .
hmm , went kiddy palace ,
looked at the baby stuffs .
AWW , i SO want them . :(
also went red earth at esprit .
SO MANY PRODUCTS I WANT !!
but horhs , i buy becos i just like them .
not that i actually use them =l
and so sad , the promotion for lip gloss is over . =(
cos the only makeup i use is lip gloss ,
and it's very seldom lohs . hahas .
that time they had promotion buy 1 get 1 free .
now no more liaos . ROARS .
SADDED .

lynette came over around 6-7pm .
gosh , she just broke down infront of me .
didn't really know what to do , what to say .
just wanted her to be happy .
<3
love her so much .
hurts me to see her in so much pain and misery . :(

oh yahs , the day before , she and lester came over .
then we were watching you tube .
the japanese class cannot laugh de thingie .
OMGOSH , SO DAMN FUNNY .
we laugh until stomach pain . >.< hahas !

didn't go sch today ,
just couldn't get up .
went to the bank .
then i went up alone ,
told the woman i want to withdraw 12k .
she was like .. staring at me .
hahas !!! like what's a girl my age withdrawing such a large amt .
hmms , then my bank left few bucks nia .
so it's my own personal saving acc now .
i get my own atm card too ((:
cool shiet . hahas .

went jurong to make my specs after lunch .
i made full frame now . hahas .
one red and one black .
omgosh , i think i look quite wierd .
but heck , as lynette said ,
a change may be good . ((:

went harbour front after that .
gosh , saw this bathroom area .
it's the bathtub and floor and basin .
OMGOSH SO DAMN STYLE AND NICE .
love it alot .
i wish i'm old enuff and rich ,
own my own house ..
then i would definately make that toilet straight away .
lols .

bought my dmk slippers . (:
like finally .
love them so much hahas .
and then bought like few pairs of earrings and one bracelet .
all mummy pay =x
WAHAHS . :D

i'm a happy girl . (:
and i love my dearest boii lots ! <3

you're not allowed to buy anything exp for me okays . >:(
forbidden .

:)

first under wishlist ;
chocolate fountain .
and then my w850i . (:

I'M GONNA SPREAD MY SMILE AROUND . :D
SO ALL SMILE OKIES . MUACKMUACKS .

2006-07-23T10:19:00.000+08:00

just went to my old blogger acc to check out some links .
went to samantha teo's blog .
omgosh , i never knew she still blogs there .
made that blog for her few years back , around sec 1 .
when we were still very close ,
like talking on the phone using SILENCE .
hahas . (:

read a post that she posted for me in april .
i was so touched i almost cried .
she's so sweet luhs . <3

hais , how i wish things can go back like before .
we were both so close ,
she knew every secret no one else knew .
but now , she has her group of frens and i have mine .
oh well , good memories were made thou . (:

too bad i can't link her up .
apparently i'm the only one whu knows about her blog .
i think someone else found out too .
but i don't think she wants anyone else to know .

her blog's template is sweet . (:
that cute lil girl smiling so innocently .
still rmb making that blog for her .
we were so excited . hahas .

memories with her will never be forgotten .
<3

2006-07-23T01:49:00.000+08:00

sometimes it feels like in every relationship i'm in ,
it always ends becos of some stupid mistake i make .

i use to just go into one as long as the guy makes me feel loved .
never ever thought whether it would last or not .
but for him , i really thought it would last .
it didn't .

now , i don't dare to enter one .
i'm not ready to feel the heartache again .
i'm so afraid of getting hurt .
he made me fall in love with him .
but i don't dare to officially accept him yet .
there's just this fear in me .
what if one day he leaves for someone better .. ?
or what if one day becos of something stupid i do or say ,
and then it's another end again ?

i can't afford to lose him .
everytime i step into a relationship ,
i pray so hard it'd never end .
every relationship i had ,
i had such high hopes for the future .
i hate breakups and heartaches .
if i could , i never would break up .
but it always happens .
and i'm always the one left with the tears and pain .

i make so many mistakes .
i don't wanna hurt him .

maybe i'm too young ,
but i don't wanna let him go either .

why does everything have to hurt .
it isn't ok whatever decision i make .
i'm just so afraid i would have to go thru what i went thru again .
all for some temporary happiness ?

i can't see the future .
i wish he can assure me we'd never end .
and mean it too .
but whu can ..?
becos every single time a break up happens ,
promises made will be said as " that was last time , now is now . "
he may say no , i'd never say taht , promise .
but in the end , this will still be the case .

every ended relationship of mine ,
i try my hardest to salvage them .
but i don't wanna be the one whu gets hurt again .
i don't want temporary happiness .
i want eternal one .

i don't want to make another mistake .
i don't want to break another heart .
i don't want to waste your time either .

he's rich , handsome , smart .
i'm poor , ugly , stupid .
he's too good for me ,
i'm never gonna be good enough for him .
how i wish i don't feel this way .

hais , feeling so moody right now .
off to sleep ; nites .

2006-07-22T22:05:00.000+08:00

22o7o6 ;

one year ago i made a terrible mistake by letting the guy whu made me so desperate to die into my life .

i was devestated when he left .

4 mths ago we broke up ,
4 mths ago i almost died .

2006-07-22T00:00:00.000+08:00

12am ; 22o7o6 .

i need to get out .
unpleasent memories .
don't wanna rmb them .
don't wanna think of him .

i need to get distracted .

off to sleep .

2006-07-21T21:26:00.000+08:00

just ended the phone conversation with angela dar .
omgosh she is so uber poor thing . =(
feel like scolding her fucked up parents .
heartless creeps . _l_
imagine them buying 2 phones for the 2 maids ,
and angela dar has to save up her own money to buy one .
and also , when she hungry , they don't cook for her nor give her money to go down buy food .
all those stuffs .
she's like ill-treated luhs .
and just now she was cutting and cutting her wrist .
kept trying to talk some sense into her .
cos the scars ain't nice .
they're fucking ugly .
thanks uhs , melvin .

today had racial harmony day .
gosh , mr wong is like uber cute !
shall upload a photo of him another day . (:
he obviously won best dressed male teacher .
and today actually so many of us were "late" ,
cos busy getting ready in the toilet .
national anthemn and pledge alr taken ,
we still in toilet =x
then when we were walking to the courtyard ,
so embarressing cans . =l
then had to sit on the floor . zz .
went back to class and took many many photos . (:
( ok , i didn't . hahas . )
was like , just slacking .
then had 3 periods of lessons .
very sian .. !

[edit]
whole chunk deleted
[/edit]

bought old chang kee's uber yummy fishballs and sotongonstik . (:
took 21 home .
then my hp also no batt alr .
so damn sian lohs .
reach home liaos on comp ,
whit tell me my mother on phone with her looking for me . =="
too bad for her luhs . lols .

i've been feeling very tired recently .
don't know why either .
my whole body's aching today .
ouchiies* =(

gonna go bathe and slp soon i suppose .
exhausted .

2006-07-20T23:03:00.000+08:00

okays , stupid dear .
complain the post too short .
bully me lohs . =(
i dunno what ue want me to say luhs .
hahas .

ohoh ,
today in the car at the carpark downstairs the house ,
i was scolding knnbccb infront of my mother . =x
cos my brother was lik nnb ( your mother ) .
then he thought it's a bad word becos pple always say knnbccb .
then i say no lohs , that's just your mother .
must say knnb , which is fuck your mother .
i actually said it out infront of my mother .
quite alot of times somemore . hahas !!
funny shiet ,
my mum could still laugh .
(:

11:05pm ; i'm gonna go bathe now then turn in early .
fucking tired .

and i forgot to blog about PE .
first two periods was PE .
my first PE lesson after few months .
then we did more than 30 push ups .
and the crotch thingie too .
goodness , it was terrible .
my whole body was all weak after doing just 10 push ups .
then my whole body shaking ,
i just put my hand there on the floor want faint .
i so weak luhs =x
after that becos i never did a single item for napfa yet ,
then had to do lohs .
did shuttle run first .
somemore infront of class de siahs .
damn malu , and also my whole body weak .
no strength to run and bend down grab the beanbag .
normally can run 11secs lidat .
today run 13sec siahs .
i feel like such a failure . =(
then had sit and reach , did till 28 .
ok luhs , standard ones =x
then standing board jump .
HAHA , benloh damn BAD .
he tell xinyi , just make it to the 6o point .
so xinyi jump till 8o .
u know what he tell me ?
he say 2o enuff liaos . =="
so xiao kan wo lohs .
somemore i step also more than 20 alr .
then becos got bois , unlike last year all girls .
so anyhow jump . never even bother swinging for momentum .
got 130cm =x
still fail .
but whu cares , cos 2.4km is confirm fail .

probably that's why i'm so tired today .
last two periods were ss .
ms tan didn't come ,
then we had class test .
i was sleeping thru out .
my answer was like copy from the source . =l
somemore i only answer one question .
i over tired , i just had to go and slp .
tried to stay away but my brain cannot take it liaos .
hahas , i so poor thing luhs . =x

hais , zz .
i feel quite stressed .
somemore today my baobeii ( not ernie =x ) found out i got stead liaos .
actually me and baobeii alright derhs .
we always talk crap .
somemore he got gf de siahs .
then today he tell me ,
actually tmr want make it official ask me be his stead .
wth siahs . =l
cos tmr his bdae .
then he say want leave his gf for me .
omgosh , i feel damn bad .
then now i also dunno what to do .

nvm luhs , his problem =x
i won't leave my beloved aiai . hahas .
muacks , love ue lots .
<3

and horhs ,
i still think my hair is very wierd .
thou everyone else says i look better . =l
and i think the malay ethnic costume i took looks very wierd on me .
thou the rest says i look nice .
i just think i don't .
gosh , probably they only say to make me happy =x
but can't be , becos if not nice they will say not nice and ask me change de .
HAIS , dunno . i have low self esteem =l

i'm freaking tired ,
my eyes bth liaos .
nites all , i haven't even bathed . hahas .
just feel like plopping on the bed and slp immediately .
okok , better go .
love ue dear . muacks .

2006-07-20T22:45:00.000+08:00

whees , had a fun day today . (:
was so funny in the library .
cos i was having my 2 free periods as i don't take the pure humanes .
saw that toot edison .
and imagine he never saw me although he was sitting at the same table as me .
i was reading a book .
so somehow the teacher thought i was from that class too .
then the he said "what's that girl's name over there uhs ? "
then i put down my book look at him , so confused .
i think he must have realised my nametag is orange , lols .
at first probably he wanted to ask me to pay attention .
then later he just tell me give him 1o mins ,
i think cos he scared he disturb me .
but he made me uber paiseh luhs .
becos the whole class turned and stared at me . >.<
so after he talk finish to the class ,
then he say "ok so let's do our own stuffs quietly and don't disturb the girl whu's reading the book quietly over there ."
zz ! omgosh , i really damn malu .
so i just pretend i dunno anything , never hear anything ,
continue reading my book . hahas .

just came back home not long ago ,
then edison came online .
i really thought he saw me during the library incident .
then he tell me he never see =="
becos he never go and notice .
only notice a girl sitting there .
cos he thought will be me and whit , 2 pple .
so never take real notice lohs .
and it's just nice i having free period then go library .
or else i also wouldn't be there .
maybe he also don't recognise me ,
cos i cut my hair and tied it up .
normally go out with him never tie hair mahs .
shiet ass , damn funny .
everytime i see him in sch ,
but he never ever saw me once . =x

after sch we decided to pon chapel . (:
had some unhappy incident with danielle but shan't mention it .
forgive and forget whats . lols .
i also not petty derhs =x
I SO SWEET AND NICE . ahems . xD
then went opp sch the pasar malam ( afternoon also got open =x ) and buy some finger food to eat .
sat opp sch under the void deck to eat ,
then went to library at 2.30pm to watch some video clips and briefing .
took the bus to raffles hotel ; jubilee hall .
manymany memories of tkgs string ensemble (:
the times when we ushered ,
having fun in the oh-so-nice-and-grand toilet with aircon :D
and having my first blister on the heel .
and the macdonald treat with MR YAP and .. forgot whu . hahas .

watched "where i belong" , a play put up by various schools .
lousier than i expected .
catch no ball at all .
saw shiyun on stage , looks very pretty (:
couldn't exactly recognise her though . hahas .

then after that ,
we went to the toilet .
was only given 3 mins =x
so we were fooling around .
cos the toilet got 2 door can enter .
so cass went by one door ,
i went by the other .
then we jumped in and BOO each other .
HAHAS , so hyper . :D
i love that toilet alot .
and it smells nice too . hahas .

waited very long for the bus .
showed them the picture of the ghost when i took a self pic of myself in a tunnel in taiwan .
won't be posting that pic up hahas .
seen that pic so many times ,
but i still get freaked out when i see that face in the picture . =(
and i don't mean MY face being the ghost .
there's really another face in it .
freaked the hell outta me when i first saw the picture .

reached back sch around 7.15pm .
was deciding whether or not to wear ethnic clothes tmr .
then decided to , becos didn't want to let mr wong down .
he really very enthu about the whole thing .
so went over to someone's house , ( a volleyballer from 3H called siti )
borrowed malay ethnic clothes . xD
after that followed cass to tsui hwee's house to get something .
then they tried on the kimono .
so kawaii luhs . =x
after that went back to the bball court to meet shar and xinyi .
went over to mac to makan . uber hungry siahs .

met mama at mac ,
talked alot with shar cass xinyi over dinner .
so much crap . (:
then mum sent them to tampines mrt .

roars ,
tired day out .
but i love those frens of mine .
finally i feel like i'm a part of something . <3

2006-07-20T01:36:00.000+08:00

Mr Shamus Tee ; :D
always so early sleep . rawrs . =(
and whyes ue always switch off ur phone when u slping .
i don't like . >.< hahas .
my silly boii ,
don't u love it when i bully ue .? lalas !
and i so <3 bullying ue my dear . hehs .

tada , a post for ue .
aren't you happy ? lols .
take care ,
muchmuchloves .

hurt me and i'll make sure i hurt u right back .
i won't give a fuck about ur feelings anymore .
cos u never cared about mine ,
not a single time .
even if u did ,
let me tell u ,
your actions are all wrong .
you hurt me more badly than u can ever imagine .
so now i'm gonna give u up , let u go ,
move on with my life with someone else .
don't say i didn't give u a chance ,
cos this time you're the one whu blew everything up .

i won't be that girl i use to be ,
that girl who was weak at the sound of ur name .
i'll be strong ,
i will move on and won't look back anymore .
jolly well fuck out of my life for good .
i don't need you here destroying it more than it alr is .

2006-07-19T22:18:00.000+08:00

i feel like a stupid goondu cos my jellybeans are still in the fridge .
to think i was screaming and crying just awhile ago . =l

blasting techno now .
kuan's technos are nice .
(:

hais ,
suddenly feeling moody .

i look wierd with my newly-cut hair . =l
fucking ugly .
i mean , i was already ugly and now it's worse .
rofl -

2006-07-19T21:35:00.000+08:00

FUCK IT LUHS ,
I HAVE BROTHERS WHO OUGHT TO DIE .
TMD , I LEAVE THE BOX OF JELLYBEANS MELVIN BOUGHT FOR ME IN THE FRIDGE ,
DUNNO HOW MANY MONTHS ALR ,
CAN'T BEAR TO EAT IT .
TODAY I SEE THE WHOLE BOX ON THE TABLE INFRONT OF THE TV ,
EMPTY .
CHIBYE LUHS .
NOT THAT IT MATTERS THAT IT'S EMPTY ,
BUT THEY'RE LIKE FUCKING INSENSITIVE .
AND IT ISN'T EVEN THEIRS ,
THEN THEY GO AND EAT .
NO MANNERS LOHS .
SOMEMORE THAT BOX GOT THE HEARTSHAPE JELLYBEAN .
THAT'S WHY I DOWAN TO EAT .

WHY CAN'T THEY JUST FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME THINGS ALONE .
_l_

I SLAMMED THE DOOR AND BLASTED TECHNO .
I'LL MAKE THEM KNOW HOW FUCKING ANGRY I AM .

2006-07-19T19:56:00.000+08:00

just came home from my hair cut . (:
it's like uber short now . =(
imagine last time i tie up my hair ,
the tail still can reach near the armpit there =x
around that area and more below .
between there and the waist .
now if i tie up it doesn't even go below the shoulder .
HAHAs , damn shiet .

and i got a fringe , kinda wierd .
i look like a small kid . :D
and uber nerd too .
hahas , (:

anyways , i shan't be bothered by the past anymore .
he hurt me so badly ,
so now even if i'm hurting him ,
it's what he deserves .

muchmuchLOVEs to all who stood by me all this while .

it's time to let go and move on .

2006-07-19T18:21:00.000+08:00

just read thru those emails i sent to him before i attempted suicide ,
the chat logs i had with him ,
and those sent items on my hp .
on the tags on my blog ,
he said that I WAS THE ONE whu broke up with him thru msn , emails and sms .
after reading all the stuffs that i said ,
they were all things of explantions and pleads for him not to leave me .
HAHA , SO I'M THE ONE WHU BROKE UP WITH U ?

stop accusing me .
get your facts rights first .

will continue blogging when i come back from my haircut .

i love SHAMUS DEAR .
roars . (:

2006-07-18T16:01:00.000+08:00

shiet it ,
i'm fat and ugly and have so many pimples breaking out .
zzz , i'm gonna go jump off soon if things don't change .
hahas ! (:

we shall see , by 30th december .
cool shiets . =D

4 more days and it's 22o7 .
what to do .. ?
hais .

2006-07-18T00:00:00.000+08:00

first lesson with chris today .
erms , NOT BAD i shall say .
hahas , he progresses very fast .
abit too kan chiong thou =x
always tempo going faster and faster and faster .
and he's so wierd , giving the notes uber wierd names .
like tadpoles , beansprouts , blahs . =="

cass and danielle came over too .
supposedly we're doing our ss project .
but end up didn't .
cass was using the comp and danielle was rotting . =x
and around 5pm , cass went hyper .
hahas . she came out and messed chris' hair .
and started hitting him with the mickeymouse glove .
cute siahs . =l

mama sent chris home after that .
used comp awhile and was SO TIRED i fell asleep at 8pm .
woke up at 11pm . =x

whitney ;; cheer up alrights . you've always got me around . remember those pressies ? and the song ? (: my dearest most precious and beloved princess . <3

roars , hungry .
(:

2006-07-16T23:43:00.000+08:00

this question was going thru my head since last night .
do you really hate me that much that you had to go destroy my life ?
esp about the ~~harressing~~ thingie .
you think that's what i'm doing to you ?
so it's only when i'm locked behind bars then you'd be satisfied isn't it .
go ahead , i'm not stopping u .
since that day the police came to my hse ,
everything changed .
that was when my depression started ,
and also the time when your heart died .
also the day when nothing mattered anymore .
my entire life ruined , whu cares .
i can die , can get jailed , get a black record , drop out , whatever .
it doesn't matter anymore .

all i can feel is the aching of my heart .

tmr , piano lesson with chris .
gosh , freaking out .
i gotta find my books .
probably they're all already thrown away .
nvms , shall just ask him to come play with the piano .
maybe shamus can come help me . (:
can't wait . <3

2006-07-16T01:22:00.000+08:00

wo wei shen me yao ai ni ai dao na meh xin ku ..

hais , i really cried luhs .
that time alr say my tears become tears of anger .
but now is tears of hurt and disappointment .

he doesn't believe me anymore when i say i love him .
i got angry , i wanted so badly to hate him to the core .
yet everything's just going wrong .
i'm falling apart and i need him more than ever .
he never believes a word i says .
so what's the point of saying so much ,
when everything just becomes lies thru his ears .

he's killing me so painfully ,
yet i still love him so .

i wish i'm not this weak .
it's like you have put black magic over me .
making me suffer so much ,
when all i want is to love you .

i can't control my emotions anymore .

2006-07-16T01:03:00.000+08:00

1am currently .
feelinq so darn worned out .
gonna go to bed .

really feel like crying before i sleep .
i don't understand why my heart can't stop aching .

eyes are tired , shall go off now .

vous etes tout j'ai besoin de ;
je t'aime . <3
if only you knew all these .
i wish u understood how i've been feeling for so long .

2006-07-15T23:21:00.000+08:00

whees , just came home from steamboat .
omgosh , damn fun and pain . =x
cos the oil was all splattering on our hands and FACES .
even almost splashed into my eyes . =l

hmms , was uber late in meeting them .
around 1 hour late =x
tardy queen , rofl . :D
and cass was quite fascinated over the pig on my shirt .
and she actually took a picture of it .
hahas ! (:

took mrt down to city hall .
we were actually making quite alot of noise on the mrt =x
blasting music on sharlene's hp .
then walked to city hall .
played ARCADE .
quite long siahs . lols .
then .. , went with cass to the toilet .
decided to come out with a story then me and shar go off first to buy cake =x
went to angi the choice and bought a chocolate cake .
costed me around $20 . but damn yummy . :D
cabbed down to marina south and then waited for the 4 of them to arrive .
had so much fun cooking and eating there . (:
there were actually fireworks too , cos of NDP preview .
but we couldn't see them , and didn't run to see them either .
unlike some girls who act like they've never seen them before . =D

when time to bring out the cake ,
i brought tsui hwee to the toilet .
then i purposely wash hand very long .
actually my hand not soapy liaos .
i still carry on washing saying my hand feel very soapy . =x
then when i brought her back ,
she was uber SHOCKED to see the chocolate cake on the table .
hahas ! cos she was wondering where the cake came from .
and she actually is quite dumb cos she couldn't figure out .
until we gave her some hints . =x
cut the cake , each ate 1/6 of the cake .
omg , damn delicious and chocolatey . (:
we bullied tsui hwee . =x
don't give her spoon , say use knife to eat .
we never smash cake on her good enuff liaos . hahas !
but she just didn't want to use the knife .
so cass fed her with the knife . lols .
and then ... an ex hildian that they knew was also there .
she go take abit of cake and smear on tsui hwee's arm and face .
HAHAS ! :D damn funny luhs !
cos she was screaming and all that . =x
then the last part was so damn gross and disgusting .
we dared tsui hwee to stuff the rest of the cake into her mouth ,
without chewing and swallowing and the mouth must be closed .
OMG , we thought she wouldn't be able to do it .
but the cake is a spongecake afterall .
then she managed to do it , and we had to drink this uber disgusting thing .
it's like made of soup , chili , vinegar , salt , margerine , blahblahs .
i just saw tsui hwee anyhow take the things on the table and pour inside .
just like what pple always do after eating finish and playing with the leftovers / sauce .
i was like , eew . hahas .
but i just took the thing and drank a mouthfull of it .
omgosh , so darn salty , and spicy . alot of chili siahs .
then sharlene was abit scared to drink .
cass also drank .
then danielle and xinyi don't want . =x
no fun siahs . lols .

went home in tsui hwee's car after that .
her dad was driving , then front seat her mother plus younger brother .
so we 6 girls were squeezing into the back seats meant for 3 pple =x
imagine that , hahas .
at first wanted to go till mrt station nia .
then in the end went all the way to bedok , alighted cass , then to tampines where xinyi and tsui hwee's mother got off .
during the ride we were like making so much noise .
damn funny , cos sharlene sat on my lap .
tsui hwee on xinyi's lap and cass on danielle's .
hahas , i couldn't laugh luhs .
cos sharlene was sitting on my stomach like that . =x
we were joking that after the ride all our tummies flattened alr .
lols , =D

took 21 home , damn tired .
then was so easily aggitated .
so quarrelled with shamus .
poor boii , didn't mean to say him till like that .
=( , sry ..

many things went thru my head while walking home .
hais , wondering how he could even endure all these ,
me going to hospital , cutting of hand , blahblahs ,
over HIM .
if he claims he loves me ,
why did he let me suffer like this .
why did he leave me to die , all alone .. ?

so many questions running thru my head .
i wish i knew the answers to them .
guess i will never find out .
seems like i just have to live the rest of my life like this ,
suffering more and more everyday .

he's the only antidote to my depression .

2006-07-15T14:39:00.000+08:00

going to go bathe then going out again liaos .
damn busy this week .
go out so many times . blehhs .
and it's freaking raining now .
omgosh . =l
i hate it when it rains before i go out .
cos i don't like carrying umbrellas .
and i won't be carrying one .
so i'd get drenched , yucks .

yawn , tired .
i'm late , gones -

2006-07-15T11:37:00.000+08:00

lala , just woke up . =x
feel like a pig .
but slept at 3.30am , can't blame . xD

ytd went out with whit chris and kang .
first met whit to go buy her violin .
cool , she finally got her violin . =D
then after that we went to meet chris .
he was charging his hp at the telephone shop thr . =x
2nd floor isetan outside .
how cute siahs . =l
after that sat outside century square near the taxi stand there to tune whit's violin .
lmao , so many pple starinqq siahs . =l
then later we went to those blocks opp century square .
cos whit wanted to play the violin . =x
hahas , so damn fun luhs .
then kang came , cos he cabbed down from toa payoh .
cos at first he can't come .
then we all like ask him come lohs , then he come .
[edit]
lols , i removed the ahems part . (:
[/edit]
whitney showed me something .
cool siahs . =x rofl .

went back to century square after that .
decided to watch Re-cycle at 11.45pm .
then we just slack till that time lohs .
bought popcorn and drinks then went in .
the seating was like , chris me whitney kang .
omgosh , bad seating cans .
cos kang was disturbing whit .
chris was disturbing me .
and me and whit were like screaming our heads off at some parts ,
due to the uber scary sound and image effects .
but at least we sitting in the middle .
if sit at the side i think it's worse lohs . lol .
anyway , the story line plot isn't that good .
i can't really understand the ending thou i sort of understand .
meaning i'm not actually sure if that's the right meaning i'm thinking off .

cabbed home with whit .
stayed at her house cos i didn't dare to go home alone . =l
and this girl uhs , right before we were going to slp ,
she fell off the bed . !!
aiyohs . =x

meeting sharlene danielle xinyi cass tsuihwee later !
www plan cancelled due to some stuffs .
RAWRS , =(
was really lookinqq forward to it.
but nvms . (:
3pm meeting them .
then gonna go walk walk till dinner at marina bay .
can't wait siahs . hahas .
they're really good company .
with all their lame and cold jokes . =x
and i guess now i must add tsuihwee's name in my ADOREs de pple liaos .
rofl -

hmms , just wish things aren't as complicated as it sounds like .
nvms , time will reveal your true colours .
and really , stop taking us for granted .

2006-07-14T18:04:00.000+08:00

went back to class today .
was kinda horrible cos there are pple telling me "hey you're back !" and i have no idea what my expression and reply is supposed to be . =l
and also , my mum sent me to school during recess .
then when i got off the car and walked towards the canteen ,
this bunch of unknown guys say HELLO to me VERY LOUD .
then alot of pple turn and stare at me .
WHAT THE FUCK LOHS LOL ..
then at the staircase going up to the class there ,
that fucking marcus wee call my name .
so i turn around ,
then he say very loud " imh de ahh " .
EH , seriously wtf .
i almost cried ffs . =(
then i ran up the staircase ,
so tempted to point middle finger at him . zz .
i was like telling danielle he damn fucker lohs .
then during physics , never hand up file .
then i so scared dunno what to tell mr lee .
cos he is like uber fierce . =l
then i very very scared he don't understand .
LUCKY i say i never come to sch then he ask me sit down .
OMG , i was like so relieved lohs . =x
and then had AMATHS .
1 hour period having test on matrices .
wtf , i never even touched that topic before .
mrs wong actually ask me if i got study .
i say don't have , she ask me "then how?"
i stupidly go say just take lohs . ZZ . abit dumb horhs . =l

went to eat kfc after sch .
we really spent alot of time deciding what to eat .
sharlene's bf came with us .
hahhahas , we keep making fun of him .
=D , really damn funny luhs .

then went tm to shop .
bought things , then walk around .
i saw jj at mini toons with his whole bunch of sch frens .
hahas , so cool luhs .
i actually thought he never see me siahs .
then just now i saw him come online just a few mins after i came online .
then i talk to him , i say i saw him just now .
he say he know . LOL .. zz .

actually i had alot more things i wanted to blog about .
suddenly mind blank . =l
and i know nearing the end of amaths lesson i almost cried .
my eyes suddenly turned watery and blurry .
i faster wipe my eyes lohs .
i think of alot of bad things happen to me .
like i go jail , then refuse to eat and drink .
kena beaten up .
and then i think he come visit me then i don't wanna talk to him .
then see him cry .
omgosh . =l i think too much .
when i thought about it i really going to cry liao lohs .
=*(

alrights , i got to go bathe now .
accompanying whit to go and buy her violin .
then i need to buy my swim suit for tmr .
sians . i'm damn tired .
somemore later watching movie . lols .
with kang and chris .
I DON'T REALLY WANT LUHS =x
i wanna sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep .

when will this pain stop hurting .

2006-07-13T22:43:00.000+08:00

seriously , what the fuck is wrong with devil .
siao kia .
every night different greeting .
today is "Night horny...Lol..."
SI DA BIAN TAI .
lols !!!
freaking funny luhs .
can't stop laughing right now .
omgosh . lols .............

- rolls about on floor -
wahahhahahahahahhas .
really damn funny .
!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA .

2006-07-13T22:32:00.000+08:00

i don't know why i liked u so much
i gave you all of my trust
i told you i loved you , now that's all down the drain
you put me thru this pain , and i wanna let you know how i feel

fuck what i said , they don't mean shiets now
fuck the presents , might as well throw em out
fuck all those kisses , they don't mean a thing anymore
fuck the things you said , nothing but empty promises
fuck you , you jerk , ~~i don't want you back~~ .

if you asked , did i care
i would answer i cared so much it hurt
you could ask me more
and i would tell you you meant everything to me
i even said you're my great one
now that it's over , i do admit that i am sad
it hurts real bad , and i wish i am dead .

i never wanted things to end this way .

2006-07-13T20:28:00.000+08:00

lols , posted up some pics due to boredom .
(:
quite stupid pics thou .
rawrs .

didn't go to school , again .
i just dread waking up and facing pple luhs .
practically everything reminds me of him .
hais ..

why must everything turn out this way ..

2006-07-13T20:21:00.000+08:00

lol .
me &
mummy

TAIWAN

watching
the
changing
of
guard
shifts .
LOL .

2006-07-13T19:58:00.000+08:00

me at
alishan
(:

eating
icecream
at
taipei1o1

at
alishan
(:

at
alishan
(:

2006-07-13T18:38:00.000+08:00

me and my
all time
favourite (:

me and my
siblings in
the midst
of clouds
at alishan (:

me and my
dearest
family . (:

ROFL ;
that's ME
at
disneyland
HK (:

my
FAMILY
again . (:

2006-07-13T17:40:00.000+08:00

my own work . (:
i like it alot . lols .

all the panadols i took over him .
ended up in hospital , almost died .
and what's the outcome in the end .. ?
he wants to sue me for harressing him .
BIG LOL . :)

2006-07-13T02:03:00.000+08:00

the boii i loved so much , spent 8 mths of my life with ,
is ~~dead~~ .
zz , stop playing a fool on me luhs .
omg , RETURN HIM TO ME LAHHHHHHS .
whyes take him away ?!
tell me this isn't true ,
that this isn't happening .
tell me it's nothing but a nightmare .
that i would wake up to find u there with me ,
hugging me , telling me everything's alright .

i can't stop crying .

2006-07-13T01:46:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired of being here
Supressed by all my childish fears
If you have to ~~leave~~
i wish that you would just ~~leave~~
cos your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you screamed i'd fight away all of your fears
and i held your hand thru all of these years
but you still have ...
all of me .

you used to captivate me by your resonating light
now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasent dreams
your voice it chase away all the sanity in me

i tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
but thou ~~you're still with me~~
i've been alone all along

2006-07-12T23:13:00.000+08:00

RAWRS ,
this devil SOT diao ~
he sms me this mesasge .
Night sexy lol...Take care sweetdreams....
ZZZ WTF LOLS .
what's with that SEXY .
oh gosh , he really too bo liao like that disturb me .
hahaas .

at least he managed to make me laugh . (:
oh mans , sat supposed able to go out with him .
but going wild wild wet with shar cass danielle xinyi tsuihwee .
then at night going for steamboat at marina bay .
celebrate tsuihwee's bdae .
hahas , then sunday which is her actual bdae probably going out again .
but i have tuition siahs , nvms .
hope i can make it . lols .

this devil really joker ,
everytime he going back army then call me .
buay tahan lohs , always talk so much nonsense .
but he really managed to cheer me up .
AND I STILL WANNA JUMP ON UR BED . LOL .
cos he say no one can even touch his bed ,
and i purposely wanna jump on it .
lols , zz , haven't met him since that last time the thing happened .
and melvin , sry to say this luhs .
after u showed ur fucking true colours ,
even devil is a better guy than u .
at least he doesn't show me some fucking split personality nonsense .

kaho kor just called me .
zz , haven't met him since that day he accompany me go find him .
cos after that day i go hospital liaos .
he say want come visit me also never come .
sad siahs . =(
then now talking lohs .
lols , he also another joker .
talk so much nonsense . zzz .

i have so many pple whu never fail to be there for me .
but why doesn't it seem enough ?
there's something missing .
or rather , someone .
and you know whu u are ..
the one whu stabbed me in the heart .

2006-07-12T22:53:00.000+08:00

lol , and he still had the cheek to tell me it's difficult for him too .
that he cried after seeing me .
what a load of bullshiet .

say so much fucking nonsense ,
then come my blog insult me .
still dare ask kang sms me say unless i don't return the ring to him personally ,
then promise him i'd live my life well .
fuck u , u think u say what i will listen ?
when it's all nothing but lies ?
you don't even care about me then why say all this shiets .
i rather throw that fucking ring away than return it to you .
anyways , u also said there's no point meeting up again .
later meet liaos u say i HARRESSING u again .
even ms wong agrees it was too harsh of you to do this to me .
i was talking to her this morning in the couselling room .
i almost cried over you ffs . ( ffs - for fucking sake LOL , lynette rmb ? heh . )
damn you , i don't understand why a jerk like you has such a great impact on my life .

don't have split personalities infront of me .
it's damn confusing .
i don't know which is the real you .
and i hate the one behind the screen .
whit's right .
dun be humji .
u dare you come say all those things straight to my face ,
don't act so nice all that .
and btw , you still haven't looked me in the eye and say u don't love me anymore .
that day why never say uhs ?
scared uhs ? zz .
i'm sure if i were to see you one more time ,
i'll give u a big tight slap .
and if i have a penknife with me ,
i'll cut my hand for you to see .
just to make u rmb me by .

2006-07-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

whyes is i that every single thing i do never fails to get misinterpreted wrongly by others .
misunderstandings one after another .
when will it ever stop .

i feel like i'm a failure .
fail as a daughter , a student , a girlfren , a fren ..
i fail as a whole person .

i don't wanna be who i was before ,
that weakling who depended so much on you .
that's why when you left i fell so hard .

but , it's so difficult ..
and painful ..

thanks DEAR cos i know you'd always be right behind me supporting me with each step i take .
although we're just maple couple ,
you've been real nice and sweet to me .
thanks for everything you did .
honestly you're better than him .
but it takes alot of courage and strength for me to give him up .
and time too .
and really , i don't think anyone can replace him in my heart .
if i have hurt you , i'm sorry .
hais , we shall let time decide .
(:

sometimes words can ~~kill~~ .

2006-07-12T16:21:00.000+08:00

this is the letter i wrote to him in the library today .
seems like i won't be seeing him anymore .
i will never try anymore becos whatever i do is WRONG .

Mr Melvin Sin ;

i was wrong about you . i thought you were the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me . but in fact , you're my worst nightmare . the guy i was loved is dead , yet always haunting my memories . why can't it just spare me from all this torment . i don't want to carry on loving a person who no longer exists . i want to let these memories go . but why must it be so difficult and painful ? i'm not strong enough to move on after all these ordeal . imagine almost dying and to find out all is lost and all hope is gone . i might as well have died ! what's the point of living on when nothing matters anymore . things were already bad enough and you had to go and make things worse by putting an act infront of me . my life is already terrible enough . why make things worse for me ? you could have just taken the letter and pretend you never saw me . but you just had to make things big like asking me to dinner and then make it look like i went to find you for dinner , like i was the one who suggested all that . you know yo made me so desperate to die when i read your tags ? you're really too much to say all those stuffs . i'm lucky i check my blog often or you'd have humiliated me infront of my friends . you're really heartless and cunning . where did your heart disappear to .. ?

those things you said to me really makes me wonder if you read my smses that i sent you when i was in hospital . probably your parents only showed you all those smses of hatred and anger but not those of my explanations and pleas . or maybe you just chose to ignore them . isn't that unfair ? and what's the point of asking me to live my life well when you're making it so impossible ? or maybe you think by saying those stuffs to me , it'd make me give up and carry on with life . if you think this way , you're wrong but partially right . yes , i have sort of given up on you already . and you really hurt me alot with your words . but instead of moving on , you made me turn into a nasty little bitch . i would do anything just to make you spend the rest of your life in guilt . you wanna treat me this way , i'll make sure you receive hell from me .

since you want things to end up like this , don't blame me for anything that will happen .

if killing myself infront of you will make you remember me and never doubt my love , i would .

once yours , forever yours .
xMsApple -

till death do i part from you .

2006-07-12T00:33:00.000+08:00

you showed so much care and concern for me .
all fake .
you're terrible . lols .
i really don't understand how you can do this siahs .
u want me to lead a better life ,
and then you do this to me .
what you want actually ? can you pls tell me ?

stop saying one thing but meaning another .
you're making my brain damn fucked up .

you're just making things more and more worse .
honestly , what's the point of reading my blog if it doesn't matter or affects you ?
what the hell do you want really .
you read my blog for what ?
to find out if i die already ?

i already went the distance to show how much i love you .
you never appreciated that .
instead , you accused me of so many things .
don't you know how badly you have broke me down .

what's the point of trying when nothing even matters .
what i do is never noticed .
only bad stuffs are taken note of .
the others are just invisible to his eyes .

why did i fall in love with such a heartless freak .
and to think he was the one i almost died for .
he doesn't even feel the guilt or anything .
he can't even feel the love i have for him anymore .
he claims i just treat him as my possession .
how it hurts to hear that .

i don't wanna be somebody that you have forgotten
i don't wanna be somebody lying in the shadow of your love
and all i want, for you to know i'll cherish those memories
and all i want, is for your love to make me whole again

http://dreamscometrue8.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/anyway.mp3
"Anyway - Darius Lim "
Ps ; thanks for the lyrics . (:

2006-07-12T00:15:00.000+08:00

lols , all my frens say you're a very good actor .
act till so real .
even ask me out for dinner , ask me how's life ?
hahas , ask for what uhs ?
you know my life isn't good with you killing me slowly day by day .
you yourself know your own actions very well .
stop lying , i've had enough .

that day i only wanted to pass you that pathetic piece of paper .
then you were the one whu asked me out for dinner and talked so much bullshiet with me .
what a waste of my time .
made me cry over you .
are you a guy at all ?
why say things you don't even mean .
one day you're like this and another day you're like that .
who are you really ?

you acted all so nice , so calm , so gentle .
just like that guy i loved for so long .
yet behind that smile was a liar .
omg , i wish i had seen thru u sooner .
i feel like such a fool .
i shud have given you a big tight slap for you to remember me by .
i hope you won't forget my tear stained face ever .
may it haunt your memories .
the girl whu committed suicide for you . (:

that 2nd last tag you left was real selfish for you to say that .
you said if i loved you i wouldn't have done all those things .
lols , so those are the only things u remember .
and you don't remember how much i changed for you .
damn you , i'll throw myself at any guys who comes my way now .
happy ? (:

bring me to court , go ahead .
i have nothing more to live for anyways .
i've been thru so many things .
one more ordeal doesn't make much difference .

2006-07-11T19:26:00.000+08:00

you hurt me ,
you're gonna regret it .

don't blame me if anything wrong happens .
(:

you only saw flaws of mine .
you're still the same .
i thought you loved me .
i was wrong .
you toyed with my feelings .
i won't trust anyone anymore .
for the only guy i trusted so much to say things like this to me ,
everyone else can fuck off .

you think you know how much you hurt me .
but you don't .
you will never know .

i loved the wrong guy .
and i'm never gonna be a nice girl anymore .
since things have alr becomed like this ,
i don't care anymore .
you want it like this ,
then i curse that you will never be happy ever again ,
that all the girls u like will break your heart ,
that you can never settle down .

hahs , now i know those smses i sent when i was in hospital ,
he never read them .
so only BAD things are noticed .
others aren't .
how nice .

i'm sure if i were to show him those smses i sent ,
he'd change his mindset .
all those pleads and explanations .
BUT WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE .
i've reached the point of no return .
you wanna play police with me ,
i let you play .
i'll only make sure you live your entire life in fear and regret .

all along i've been trying too hard .
you never did anything .
so much for all the things you said and promised .
all those things you said on friday were all just a pile of bullshiets .
u made me cry over you like a silly fool .
not anymore ,
these are tears of anger now .

you're the one who has been changing me .
from that girl who always skipped school to that girl who had hopes for her future .
and now you made me worse than ever .
you turned me to an angry lil bitch who would curse and swear at anything that gets in her way .
and then now you made me hate you too .
i'll fuck you upside down and slap you a thousand times and still i wouldn't be satisfied .

i didn't deserve all those pain and sufferings .
you're the one who ought to die .

2006-07-11T19:05:00.000+08:00

pls attend my funeral .
and i like fake flowers .
thankyou .

bruised and battered by your words ;
dazed and shattered ;
how it hurts -
you'll never know .

2006-07-11T15:17:00.000+08:00

i never knew him to be such a heartless freak .
but i still love him all the same .
it breaks me to see those things he said .
i was just crying and crying and crying .
keep thinking of death .
gonna go down and buy penknife and panadol put on standby .

anyone can bring me go drinking ?

2006-07-11T14:45:00.000+08:00

fucker _l_
u get your facts right first before saying me .
seems like you don't understand me either .
u said i was the one whu break up with u ?
lol , I GOT SAY THAT MEHS ?
tmd . i read ur tags my heart exploded .
i cannot tahan liaos .
i'll disappear from your life and everyone else one too OKAY .
HAPPY ?!

I'LL DIE FOR YOU TO SEE .
YOU WANT CALL POLICE FOR SIMI LAN HARRESSMENT GO LUHS .
I NOT SCARED . _l_
U WANT TO FORCE ME TO GO CRAZY ,
U SAY I DON'T LOVE YOU ,
FAGGOT .
THOSE INCIDENTS HAPPENED IN THE BEGINNING OF OUR RELATIONSHIP .
U EVER SAW ME DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS EVER AGAIN AFTER THAT ?
U WANT BRING ME TO COURT GO AHEAD .
FINE LUHS . U WANT LIKE THAT .
I PURPOSELY SMS THEM OKAYS .
I GO STALK YOU .
BRING ME GO JAIL LUHS .
WHAT'S WITH LIFE ANYWAYS .
I HATE IT .

SHIT U LUHS .
GO ON WITH LIFE ?
I RATHER DIE .

SO THAT TIME WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO ME .
ALL ACT LUHS .
FUCKER , YOU'RE THE SAME AS THE OTHERS .
ALL ACT NICE BUT BEHIND ME STAB ME LOHS .

IF I WERE TO DIE ,
JUST CUT ME INTO PIECES AND DUMP ME INTO THE DRAIN .

2006-07-11T11:57:00.000+08:00

words without action means nothing .
(:

everyone makes mistakes .

2006-07-11T01:41:00.000+08:00

omgosh , shamus sms me monday evening .
say he play soccer then fall down .
disloacted his arm .
like , OUCH . gosh ..
then he took a photo of his sling and send me .
dots luhs . =x he made me damn worried lohs .
then i go send him my hospital pic ,
say if i can get thru it , so can he . lols .

and yes , i found out there are actually many many many people whu cares .
lols , maybe i was just blind , or just too greedy .
yet maybe it was becos those people whom i wanted to care didn't .
don't know luhs , doesn't matter anymore .
i love my frens . (:
esp those who have always stood by me .
my dearest LYNETTE and DEAN KOR .
esp dean kor , he never ever failed to be there for me .
korkor wo ai ni . xD

now i'm having 2nd thoughts about quitting school .
i don't wanna disappoint people who showed me so much care and concern .
the only thing i'm scared of now is not being able to catch up .
but the longer i drag the more difficult it'd be isn't it ?
but really lohs , the fear in me is stopping me from waking up in the morning .
rawrs , don't know what to do now .

last note before i go off to bed ,
thanks lynette , kang and whitney for accompanying me to find him .
maybe i never showed it ,
btu i really appreciated it so so so much .
if it weren't for you people ,
who knows how long more i'd drag before going approaching him ?
to at least see him again and speak to him comforts me just a LITTLE .
but it's better than nothing .
really thanks for helping me .

okay , last thing .
i'm a hypocrite apparently .
don't come near me . (:

and i never really thought this would be my identity in the end .
life sucks .

IMISSYOU -
it hurts .

fuqq me , there's somethinq seriously wronq with me .
i never use to be like this .
when did i become so desperate for attention ?
i mean like , last time , whu cares if anyone notices or not .
and now it's like everything matters .
gawd , i wish i can go back to who i use to be .
this is so not me , i hate it .

2006-07-10T23:59:00.000+08:00

hmms , just realised many people are saying that i've been saying things i never said before .
wth is this ? o.o
just today suddenly vain kor came and ask me what's wrong with me ?
i was totally BLUR lohs .
cos i was in maple , i come out he ask me that question .
i was like , what talking u ? =="
then he ask me if i really hate chili that much .
wahlaus , whyes suddenly ask this kinda question lohs .

then later i realise got someone in absolut- used the name xMsApple and scolded chili .
LOL , funny person .
pls lohs , if i want to scold i will scold myself .
don't need u to help me cans . =="
zz , damn pek chek .
couldn't be bothered .
just now i found it like mo ming qi miao , suddenly got pple keep asking me what happen to me .
gosh , dots lohs .
that person whu impersonated me , fuqq your asshole till it bleeds . _l_
hahas , won't curse till father mother luhs .
bian tai ones , bleh .

blardy hell .
hope u die a horrible death . (:
pls don't be so bo liao next time .
i don't need you to makes things more worse then they already are .
i alr trying to change lohs .
u like that sabo me . fuqqer luhs .
ZZZZZZZZZ , i go slp .
frustrated !

2006-07-10T20:36:00.000+08:00

omgosh , just now my braces one of the rubberbands snapped . =="
blehs , disgusting . zz .
and one tooth that was originally straight became crooked .
like omg , what's the dentist doing siahs .
scully have to redo the whole thing ,
omg i sure smack him . zz .

and yeah . after 52hours of hunger , i finally ate .

everyone's gone ,
even if you ignore me too ,
it doesn't make a difference .

2006-07-10T15:53:00.000+08:00

if disappearing from your life would be better ,
i would .

i just wish things could turn back like before .
but it's not possible anymore isn't it .
all my frens are gone .
only those few left ,
i'll cherish them to bits .

nothing matters anymore .
mood getting worse and worse .
just wish everything would end .
wanna move away , start life over again .

i wish i have the courage to kill me .
something many people wish to see .

how i wish you're back here with me .

2006-07-10T11:12:00.000+08:00

11:10am currently .
fell asleep while talking to justin`mango on the phone .
46 hours since i last ate .
honestly i don't even feel hungry anymore .
just feeling damn tired and down .

hais , no one understands lohs .

no more me ,
i'm dead .

2006-07-10T00:31:00.000+08:00

omg , i fell down when i went to open my room door just now . =="
i locked the door cos i was crying just now .
then mummy wanted to come in to take a pillow .
so i walked to the door , wanted to reach the door knob alr .
then horhs , i slip and fell down .
landed on a "proposal" position .
my right knee slammed onto the floor .
then the other leg like proposal lidat lohs .
the toes bent and rubbed against the floor .
omgosh , fucking pain .
=*(

today's not a good day .
i talked with whitney lurhs .
really hope she wouldn't hate me anymore .
i can't take anymore of this alr .
problems one after another .

after today ,
i promise you i'd change .
i'll be more quiet ..
hais .

damn stress .
haven't even eaten .
dunno how long alr .
no appetite ..
very upset .

2006-07-09T23:41:00.000+08:00

baby , where are you .
i need you now , so badly .
you're the only one who understands everything ..

i'm hurting so bad ,
i'm crying like a silly fool .

i need to talk to you ..

or don't be surprised if i end up in hospital again .

and yes , i'm quitting school .
this is the end .

2006-07-09T20:45:00.000+08:00

i am damn hungry . =(

oops , i'm not supposed to be blogging .
suppose to link people .
i'm so BLUR luhs . hahas .

i wonder if he reads my blog regularly or just once in awhile .
what about ~~our~~ blog ?

it makes me sad to think of how you just left me here alone .

2006-07-09T19:00:00.000+08:00

omg , 30 hours never eat .. >.<
hais . i feel damn weak now .
head very pain and giddy .
i just wanna lie on bed , close my eyes and don't wake up ..
i'm very very very angry and upset with adrian .
i cried this morning . gosh .. =="
and i officially resigned from absolut- .
heartpain siahs ..
but i really can't stand his attitude anymore .

now i don't want to be close to anyone that's close to him .
so won't be talking to those people often anymore liaos .

lols , yesterday on maple , this mango abit sotsot .
he buy the eggeggfryingpan for me .
cos he know i like it ALOT ALOT. =x
whitney last time before she kena hacked she got one .
that time i go inside mango acc also got one .
i like it alot lohs , so damn cute .
yesterday he buy one gimme .
i was like , shocked . =="
then he say want buy the maple white bandana for me .
so that he got one then i also got. like couple siahs .
zzzzz !!! lame lohs , omgosh . =="

had tuition just now . then my head very very pain .
cannot concentrate .
then once i see chemistry i'm reminded of him .
really sucks lohs . hais .

~~i refuse to eat~~ .

endlesspainandmiseries .

why hasn't he tagged since then ? =(

2006-07-09T11:03:00.000+08:00

11am ; 22 hours since i last ate .
and it was a pathetic piece of bread .
and used so much energy at escape yesterday .
having a gastric now .
but who cares . (:
just leave me to die .
doesn't matter anyway .

in these eyes , were the words more than anything that i've spoken .
as the skies , turn to grey , my heart's just about to crack open .

so the story goes .
there's something you should know ,
before i walk away and i blow the ending .

i never want to be without you ..
Maybe this is bold
But I'm hoping you will stay for the happy ending
So don't be a fool and go spoil the ending .

2006-07-09T00:38:00.000+08:00

if only you knew . hais , so damn giddy , in so much pain , so damn weak .
very hungry , don't wanna eat .
let's see who will actually care . (:

the song in small print , is for him .
i love you , i'm still waiting for that day you tell me you want me back .
my arms are always wide open for you .
you left me ,
but i've always been here .
i never left at all .
my number's still the same ,
my address is still the same ,
my school and class is still the same .
although sometimes i don't go to school .
i want quit luhs , just have this strong urge .
hais , my head gonna explode liaos .
the tears just keep coming down my face .
and my stomach is like omg . zz .
and i just vomited like nothing out .
it's just GROSS , gosh . =="
i'm feeling so terrible . hais .
i just go lie on my bed and cry and then just die luhs .
dun remember me , i doubt anyone will .

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out

I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you've gone I admit that I was wrong

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...
I'm lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you

How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind

Oh my beds so cold at night and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right no I'm not too proud to say

If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face ..

2006-07-08T23:47:00.000+08:00

omg , played one whole day at escape .
damn sweaty and oily and YUCKS lol . =x
very fun luhs . must go with them again next time .
next saturday go wild wild wet . first time siahs =x
so suaku . =D

today at escape actually alright de lohs .
then sharlene very very very hyper .
keep wanting to take photos . =="
then we sit alot of rides . esp the go kart hahas !!
and there was once when me xinyi cass tsuihwee went into the haunted house ,
before we even watch the clip we alr scream and run out . =x
damn funny luhs . the 4 of us were like fuck scared .
haven't even enter the haunted house inside .
just inside the waiting area ( not queuing area ) .
then also got this bunch of ahlians .
like slut siahs lol .
not enuff attraction , must do stupid stuffs to attract attention lohs .
also quite humji luhs .
sharlene diao them so much lohs , they also dun dare do anything .
just when we walk past one girl shout KPKB .
zz , no use one luhs . lol .
then we sat go kart alot of times . omg lohs haha .
the last time when we queueing up , got this bunch of "small kids" .
around sec 1 or 2 bahs . small sized ders .
damn kp also . like little fuckers .
made me damn dulan luhs . bo lj de bois .
cos xinyi left alr .
then the 5 of us at the front of the queue waiting for go kart .
then all of us leaning against the railing watching the tracks mah .
this boi horhs , fug lohs . dunno what's his prob .
he like buay paiseh ones .
think he very skinny siahs , squeeze into that small gap between me and his fren .
PUSH ME LOHS . fucker luhs .
then i was like , fuck it luhs .
then i walk to the front at the "rotator" there .
then they were like , yongen why u suddenly go infront .
then sharlene i think , go say those bois lohs , push her .
then we all started saying very loudly . scolding them .
say what small kids nia , never see go kart before . lols .
then i say they not bois luhs , bo lanjiao ones . =="
i damn dulan lohs , keep scolding them fucker .
then they jsut stand there diam diam . __
then when i go in , i sit at the kart .
i stare at them lohs , they give me that kinda look .
like saying to themselves that i cmi in go kart ders . =x
like see me lidat . fuck it lohs .
i so damn pissed , i speed all the way .
the guy infront of me start first .
then i 2nd mahs .
i press the pedel down and i overtook him at the top slope .
i just press the pedel all the way down the slope and never even break .
even when turning to the 2nd slope .
then i first lohs , i just chiong .
then the last round up the spiral slope ,
i use one hand steer the thing and raise my hand point middle finger at them . __
WOOTS , lols , shuang siahs .
only scared the guy behind think i pointing at him .
nvm , point at him also whu cares .
he also like , trying to chase me and overtake .
but so fucking far behind lols .
then when we all get off liaos , i attitude them luhs .
keep shouting FUCKERS . SMALL KIDS . all that lols !!
forget alot liaos . but i rmb cass call them ai dong guas . hahas !
seriously lohs , they are just a bunch of small kids .
so bhb , push me lehs . he really like buay paiseh ones .
ought to teach him a lesson .
scold till damn shuang siahs . lols .

rawrs , i am damn hungry !
whole day only eat one bread . zz .
my whole body just shivered from head to toe . lols !
wierd feeling siahs . =x
feeling very shag .
and weak . zz .
I WANT TO EAT U UP !! * BITES *
>.< nvms , i don't wanna eat .
shall see how long i can last without eating . :)
how long it takes for me to starve to death .
experiment . then next time will know the duration . hhas !

now i feel like crying liaos .
i wish he'd tag me again ..
i wish he'd just talk to me .

hais , i think i coming down with a cold .
i keep sneezing and sniffing .

now , i damn angry with the whole world .
so all fuck off luhs . fuck fuck fuck . go fuck ur mother father .

don't mess with me or i'd just fuck u upside down .
try me if u don't believe .
first , i'd scold u . :)
second , i'd harm myself just to make u feel bad . :)
EVEN IF U DON'T FEEL BAD , WHU GIVES A FUCK .
roars , let's go cut hands .
it's so fun isn't it . (:

omg luhs , i'm so hungry .
i think i'm gonna vomit and faint soon .
zz , I VERY HUNGRY !!
BUT I WON'T EAT .
unless he gives me his contact number =x
hais , i really very hungry now .
my stomach damn empty and i really want to vomit .
i just gagged =="
omgosh , hen tong . HEN TONG ..
my chest very pain , my stomach very empty .
my head , omg . dizzy .
cannot liaos , dun write le .
i go rest . T.T

2006-07-08T10:05:00.000+08:00

10.01am now . ZZZ .
supposed to meet they all liaos .
but sharlene say xinyi coming .
so xinyi preparing , then the rest meeting at pasir ris to eat breakfast .
i don't want breakfast . i don't wanna eat anything at all .

last night , i just lie on bed , then cry while singing with the music .
i just lie there and cry like a stupid fool .
then cry till damn tired and i fell asleep .
now i going escape .
RAWRS . =(
my eyes so painful .. >.<
these few days i just keep on listening to the playlist i made for him .
all the songs the lyrics all describe my feelings .
well , some not exactly luhs .
but got a few songs describes my feeling exactly .
then just keep on listening to those few songs .
listen and listen and listen .
cry and cry and cry and cry .
no life luhs . =="

Out of the blue there I met you
Showed me a life I can't see without you and there's just no way
That I can fight these emotions
your energy running through me
Nobody can renew me like you

But you give me love that I can't disguise
There will be times when we're apart I want you to know you're in my heart

No emotions my whole body felt like ice
Needed to feel that the sun would shine my way
My world had turned to dust but I had my faith and trust
Just thought I'd be walking the world alone

Out of the blue
There I met you I can't believe that this happened so soon
And there's just no way that I can fight these emotions
Your energy running through me..

2006-07-08T03:25:00.000+08:00

u said ur depression was just as bad as mine .
u sure ? u really think so ?

my mood's swinging so bad now .
i just keep crying .
i want to die .
i want to go back to imh and stay ..
i want to quit school .
i want to cut my hand .
i want to drink .

fuqq it luhs .
i really want to cut my hand right now .
so fucking stressed .
i don't even know what i'm stressed about .
i just know i'm hurting so bad .

~~whyes didn't ue tell me ue want me back ..~~
FUCK IT ALL .
ALL GET LOST FROM MY BLOG .
OMG I'M GONNA EAT ALL OF YOU UP .

damnit luhs i'm going crazy .
i want to vomit . =="
BYE LUHS .
DUN COME HERE LIAOS .
ALL GO DIE . I ALSO GO .

i'm not even a single bit over you yet .
i still love you so fucking much it hurts .
i wanna die before 22o7 comes .
ZZZZZZZZZZZ . FUCK LIFE .

2006-07-08T02:57:00.000+08:00

my heart hurts so fucking bad .
my head is so pain .
it's 2.55am now .
going to meet sharlene , danielle , cass and tsui hwee at 10am .
going to escape .
but i can't sleep .
i keep on crying and crying .
even just now when drinking , playing taidi ,
i keep winning , but i wasn't happy .
lucky it was dark . or my tears would have been seen .
i tried so hard not to cry .
even on the way back with whit and her fren on the taxi ,
i shed some tears .
i just can't control ..

after 3 months , i finally saw him today .
yet the feeling in me was like , mixed up .
he looked so shock to see me .
cos at first whit and kang call him come out .
then i was so damn scared , nervous .
my heart felt like it was gonna drop out . =="
when he came out , omg . he said something quite stupid .
he said " seems like the first time we're met "
zzz , it's worse than that .
my feeling then was like , no idea what .
i wanted to hug him and just cry .
but he isn't mine anymore , i didn't dare .
i just continued walking and walking , keeping silent .
i had so many things i wanted to say , yet nothing came out from my mouth .
my eyes turned wet . but i didn't cry .
hais , before that at 5pm me and lynette were at tp .
then we both sitting there ,
i was so stressed up and i kept shaking .. =="
then it felt like i was gonna faint lohs .
wanted to see him but scared . zz .
then after that , wait till 5.30pm .
i go and sms yongming . =="
he so fierce . very very fierce .
okays , shan't go into details .
but i was desperate . didn't even care if he scolded me or whats .
then met kang , waited for whit under her block .
sent lynette off the bus then took taxi to his work place lurhs .
omgosh i was so damn nervous cans .
when i saw him i just wanted to pass him the letter and just walk away .
then whit and kang like never follow me .
so i just kept walking like a stupid idiot . =="
then he follow behind me .
asked some questions that he obviously alr knew the answers to .
then ask me go for dinner . go then go lohs . can't say no rights .
i mean , i wanted to say no . but i can't bear to say no .
so we went to princess mac for dinner .
sat with him at a table .
then he buy for me my nuggets .
normally i eat i got damn big appetite .
today , i eat the nuggets 3 piece nia i dowan eat alr .
then he say alot of things .
then i just eat and eat . try not to cry .
but the tears overflow . omgosh .
whit kept smiling at me . trying to cheer me up bahs .
thanks girl . hais . kang also .
then i just eat and cry and hear what he say .
and omg , i said a lie .
he ask if i stil got cut my hand . i say no . =="
and and , HE READS MY BLOG .
SO WHAT I'M TYPING NOW HE WILL READ O.O
so why he still ask if i got cut my hand ?
i still got pics of the cuts siahs . bleh .
and then he just talk and talk .
then i just sit there stare into space and listen .
then stare and stare till my eyes turn watery .
buay tahan liao i take the tissue cover my eye and cry .
my heart was acheing so bad .
i didn't want to cry . i don't want him to see me so weak .
i had so many things i wanted to ask him .
but i know if i were to open my mouth to speak ,
i'm gonna burst into tears .
lynette sure say me derhs . so many pple say me lohs .
this one chance and i never make use of it .
omg !! ~ wth lohs . zz .

hais , nvm luhs .
most of the things i want to say i write in the letter liaos .
whitney read the letter she say she don't want read .
becos i write until the emotions so mixed up .
one part so angry , one part so sad , one part so aggitated , one part like don't care about anything .
i honestly don't know what i want and what i am feeling .
there are so many things going thru my head and heart .
then me and whit took taxi to fisherman's village at pasir ris park .
when we board the taxi i didn't even say bye to him .
i didn't even look at kang kor . =="
hais , I DAMN SAD NOW LUHS .
wish i die le lohs . so many troubles ..
just now drink i also dun dare get drunk .
want vomit also dun dare vomit .
still need to take care of whitney .

i thought i would feel better after meeting him .
i'm wrong .
i'm feeling worse .
he reads my blog , so he knew what i have been going thru .
SO WHY DIDN'T HE DO ANYTHING ?!
u said u wanted to come visit me when i was in hospital .
but ur parents think u shudn't .
WHU CARES IF THEY THINK U SHUDN'T .
WHY SHUDN'T U ?
JUST BECOS THEY SCARED UR HEART SOFTEN ?
THERE I WAS LYING IN BED , PRAYING SO HARD YOU'D COME .
YOU NEVER APPEARED . WHY CAN'T U HAVE A MIND OF YOUR OWN .
I NEEDED YOU THERE SO BAD .
ALL THE PAIN I WENT THRU .. OMGOSH .
FUCK IT ALL LUHS .

MOODSWINGS . I NOW CRYING LIKE FUCK .
MY HEART VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY PAIN .
I WISH I HAVE THE COURAGE TO STAB IT LUHS ..

i'll never return u the ring ..
i love you , u hear that ? I LOVE YOU ..

how could you just sit there and talk like everything's alright when nothing is ..
my brain's now all numb .
i can't think anymore .
i'm just crying and crying and crying .

i don't wanna live .

2006-07-05T22:20:00.000+08:00

didn't go to school today .
rawrs . =l
i slept till 3.30pm .
whole body aching .

my maid's going back this sunday .
omgosh , how how how ? o.o
anyone wants to be my maid ? =(

ahahahas , i met ernie baobeii today . (:
like , after so so so long !
we broke up like 1 year ago on youth day . =x
and omg , he has so many dogs at home .
SO ADORABLE . <33 .
hahas , it's good meeting him again .
lucky he become more "guai" .
cos he wanted to see my hp .
to him it's a new hp cos the other time i had a diff one .
then i dowan let him see .
lucky he never try to snatch . =x

supposed to go esplanade today .
cos shuhan ask me go support him luhs .
then can't find anyone to peii me go .
omgosh , feel so bad luhs .
somemore he say if i go ,
he treat me the $9 orange juice which doesn't even taste nice .
o.o ??
so expensive . i rather eat macdonald hahas ! :))

AND AND , omg .
i have such a capable dear luhs .
he knows how to make jewellary . o.o
and it's SO NICE . :)
somemore join competition can win or smthing .
dunno luhs , don't care .
got make for me can liaos . =x

IT'S A BLARDY DAY .
- rawrs .

2006-07-04T23:34:00.000+08:00

went to primary school to find mr shankar today .
hahas , so fun .
gave him his bdae card .
he was like , stunned .
well , he's still as nice as ever .
so easy to talk to .
gosh , after so many years ,
he's still my most favourite teacher . (:

today's a fucked up day .
i'm gonna drink myself drunk tmr .

2006-07-04T19:51:00.000+08:00

hi all .
you may all go fuck off pls .
and go die .
byes -

2006-07-03T13:43:00.000+08:00

i'd live my life well for his sake .
all those messages of encouragement from him were all deleted .
but they'd forever be kept in my heart .

baby ,
you're always a part of me .
and i want you to know ,
even thou you chose to left me ,
i'm always here .
i never really left your side .

underneath this smile , my world is slowly cavinqq in .

all this while i've been hanqinqq on instead of lettinqq qo .

2006-07-02T12:14:00.000+08:00

cried last night . =.=
cos i was arranging files in my comp .
went to view chat logs .
opened the one with him .
read that last conversation i had with him .
gosh , he sounded so damn sad .
he sounded like , he was hoping things would turn out alright .
tried to talk to me like things are normal .
even asked me to play yahoo pool with him .

30th march ;
he told me not to kill myself .
that i still have one last chance .
he was gonna explain to me on saturday .
well , that's what he said .
saturday , waited the whole day ..
he never appeared .
so , what was that one last chance i was suppose to have ?
i'd never know .

31st march ;
he tried to talk to me like everything's alright .
probably trying to calm me down .
asked me to play yahoo pool all that .
he was still calling me dear .
i was the one being cold towards him .
i was so upset with everything .
just wish all this would end .
wanted everything to be like how it use to be .
we had our 8 happy months together .
all the time we spent together ...
hais , hurts to think about all those happiness i can never have again .

reading thru that conversation log ,
realising we never really broke up .
those words aren't said .

sometimes i feel i'm over him .
sometimes it feels that i can be strong , move on to a brighter future .
yet , i never really felt this way .
becos inside me i'm still holding on to that last glimspe of hope i see .
i could be happy at times ,
but in my heart , i never really stopped crying .

alright . one last time .
after 3 months , i'll make the first move to look for him .
i just want him to look me in my eyes and tell me he doesn't love me anymore .
if he does that , i'll forget him .
forget all the memories i have .
those 3 months of pain and sadness , i'd throw them all away .
gifts from him i'd just store them up somewhere .
i'm not okay , i'm really not .

2006-07-01T15:55:00.000+08:00

watched another movie with whit and chris and lester and two of his other frens .
we watched superman cos RV no more seats available .
gosh , it was such a long show lors .
2 hours 45 mins .
and i blardy left my wallet in my mum's car .
so STRESSED the whole night .
and whit pulled out her last baby tooth .
so much blood lors . =.=
cabbed back to her house after that ..

just a random thought .
why do people sometimes pretend and say things that aren't true ?
just to get attention ? sympathy ?
like maybe , they aren't sick but say they're sick .
not crying but say they're crying .
hmm , stuffs like that .
well , i only know i said i was cutting my hand when i wasn't ONCE becos i just wanted to see if he cared enough for me to come over to my house . =l
i know that was MEAN of me .
so i never said it again .
but i rmb i said i would take 40 pills to end my life .
but i only took 10 . would that be counted too ?
whenever i say things that aren't real , it's only becos i'm desperate .
but , why is it that some people , they already have all the attention , but still resort to such things ?
hmm , hope none of my frens are like this . =)
cos i do know of this girl ,
i haven't talked to her in ages .
she always talk to me about things i know aren't true ..
isn't this a form of deceiving and betraying a fren's concern for you ?

i'm feeling so emotional right now .
like , so many feelings inside me .
indescirbable .

and i only wish there was someone i could talk to .
someone who can keep all my secrets for me .
who could this someone be ?
melvin use to be this someone .
the only one i could talk to about anything under the sun .
anything at all . even bad things about himself .
i miss talking to him ..
and yeah , i don't know what i was looking for in my bag yesterday ,
when i suddenly took his ring out .
got a shocked .
i was like , what ?!
saw the ring , MS-WYE 220705 .
so many memories just flooded my mind .
lucky there were people around , or i guess i would have cried .
so , didn't think much cos whit was around .
and thoughts of him just slowly drifted away .

i have no one to talk to .
no one who really understands .
everything's hidden inside my heart .
i wanna shut myself off from the world .
i don't wanna talk to anyone about these problems i have anymore .
no one listens nor cares anyway .

you're the only one that brings me genuine joy .

2006-06-30T00:14:00.000+08:00

went for movie with whit today .
watched just my luck , a movie like freaky friday .
also starring lindsay lohan as lead actress .
it's a nice show . =D
alot of funny scenes lars .
esp when the mcfly drummer got locked downstairs right before the concert .
then when the main actor get the luck back frm ashlee's ( lindsay lohan ) kiss ,
then the drummer dunno press what button suddenly stage got smoke come up .
then he press another button the platform that he standing on move upwards .
then he appeared on stage .
GOSH , so cool and funny mans . hahas . =D
it's a show i would recommend to watch .
give it 4 out of 5 stars . =D

my mother's so funny .
gave me the two GV voucher , say tmr last day .
cos she read the ticket , say valid till june .
but she never see year . it's actually till 2oo7 . =x
then she bring her collogue and her two niece go watch scary movie 4 .
cos my movie end at 9pm .
went to meet her cos her show at 9.30pm .
then later meet her lers , rmb scary movie 4 is NC16 .
i was like , omg . the two small girls how to go in siahs .
lols . =x
then they say if cannot then go watch SUPERMAN . WAHAHAS .

i'm actually quite tired of studying .
it's like , want to study but can't concentrate .
so many things fill my mind .
sighs . why like this .. =(
wish life could go back like it was before .
everytime i would just look at the questions ,
then everything just can't absorb into my brain .
takes a few minutes for my brain to process one question . =.=
it's not good lars .
cos it takes up ALOT of time to do finish my things . =(
and it makes me feel so ... useless ?
don't know how to describe that feeling lars .

actually today morning don't want to go school ders .
just wanna hide under the blanket , don't wanna get up .
somehow it's like i dread going to school .
so afraid of being asked questions .
so scared of facing PEOPLE ..

anyways , my password would be put up by sunday .
should be bahs , unless i forget or i'm too lazy .
hahas .
the password i've already decided liaos .
unless i forget it . hahas .
it's a cute password . =D

alright , there's school tmr .
i better go catch some sleep .
* snores -

blooded tears ``

2006-06-29T00:31:00.000+08:00

i don't need anyone commenting on how i live my life .
i don't need you to teach me how to live MY OWN LIFE .

i've been tryinqq so hard to forget you but still you're all that fills my mind .

cos you know i'd walk a thousand miles just to see you tonight .